The Daily Dose

Ms New Booty

2012-01-19T12:15:00.000-05:00

I am not making any promises..just putting in some extra effort. By July I hope to have earned the my new nickname for myself. Physical fitness is my new goal and Ms. New Booty is the name.

....And Everything In It's Place

2012-01-19T12:12:00.000-05:00

Generally speaking, I tend to compartmentalize, hurt, pain, anger, and the like are reserved elsewhere. It's that's simple. Well it used to be when I was younger

This getting older thing has a funny way of making you seek order and focus. Chaos has seriously become my crutch. I cannot function without reason or logic these days, I get flustered. I guess that's why residual feelings seem to get the better of me. Some may think the new Emo me is a better me- an evolved DD. I disagree

I miss the ability to brush things off. To not give the sense of disappointment a second thought is a precious gift. To put pain on the back day there are some skeletons in my closet that I'd rather keep in a safety deposit box in an off shore bank.

The Psuedo Return

2012-01-19T12:11:00.004-05:00

Hi Friends,

I think it is absolutely AMAZING that I have had 125 views to my blog when I haven't even posted in years. I love that people still check back in, or happen to come across The Daily Dose (formerly the late not so great 20s) in other ways.

I just wanted to take some time to thank you all.... Thanks! And also invite you to follow me on my new blog, Effective Immediately, where I will chronicle my current life. Having quit my full time job in December, I am literally living on a prayer. While a few cut backs were in order I have not had to sacrifice peace of mind.

I am inspired to find my passion and I will not work again until I do. Hopefully journey inspires others.

Please feel free to join me at http://purposedrivenresignation.blogspot.com/

Comment! Share! And motivate others!Let's go :)

Shameless Plug

2009-07-24T17:58:00.003-04:00

Hey folks,

If there's anyone left out there, lol. I know, I know...gone in 60 seconds right? I've perfected the disappearing act. But now that I'm back I am sure you all wanna know where I vanished to. I've been prepping the book. It does exist! It is now available on paperback for reviewers, book clubs, etc. And ebook for my lovely fans and blog readers!

You can visit www.dorchestersdaughter.com for more info. Interested in your won copy? If you wanna support your favorite blogger download yours today!

Seven Deadly Sins

2009-06-26T14:06:00.002-04:00

.... I got this from Nia and thought it would be very telling. Yall already know I'm an open book, think of this as another chapter of DD.

-Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Yes.
-What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? toss up! arms and butt
-Have you ever been made a proposition by a prostitute? No.
-Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? Yes, I think everyone "has to" if they are active.
-Is love at first sight really lust? No, I wouldn't say lust. Infatuation possibly
-What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Moet
-Meat eaters are…: people who eat meat???
-What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event? I can't remember...LOL!! I remember the end result though, clear as day
-Have you ever used a professional diet company? Nope
-Do you prefer sweets, salty foods or spicy foods? definitely sweet
-What’s your guilty pleasure store? Godiva-the chocolate covered strawberries are overpriced but heaven sent
-If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Pay off student loans, build/grow my publishing company, buy a few nice things, and invest.
-Would you rather be rich or famous? rich
-Have you ever stolen anything? yes
-How many mp3s are on your hard drive? I've never counted
-What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you haven’t done in a long time? exercise
-What is the latest you’ve ever woken up? 11 a.m. i'm an early riser
-Who have you been meaning to contact, but haven’t? various family members
-What is the last lame excuse you made? I'm broke. It's true but sometimes I feel like I haven't done enough to change that status
-How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? I haven't yet but I would love to, my snooze button is KB nagging me
-Who did you last get angry with? my coworkers
-What is your weapon of choice? My words
-Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? yep
-How about of the same sex? yep
-Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I am working on it, but it's damn near impossible for me to let things go. I never forget
-What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for yourself? a house
-Who would you want to go on Trading Spaces with? JayZ. Does anyone know where the hell he lives, lol
-If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Me ten years ago, so I could tell myself somethings
-Have you ever been cheated on? yep
-Have you ever cheated? yep
-What is one thing you have done that you’re most proud of? finished college, it was a lot harder than I made it look :)
-What’s one thing you’ve done that your parents are most proud of? idk, I am not too sure they are "proud" of me...never mentioned it
-What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? financial secuirty
-Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? probably
-What did you do today that you’re proud of? let myself mourn

The Friday Fuck You-revisted

2009-06-26T10:56:00.003-04:00

I had to pull this segment off the shelf. Yesterday I lost, we lost, one of the most influential musicians of all time. Period. A global phenom, people all over the world are in mourning. THE WORLD is missing a man, crying for a man. Do you realize the magnitude of that statement?

Yet and still we have a handful of haters, who want to cut short our time to grieve by highlighting his faults. I do not care what you thought about his personal demons. I don't. I miss Michael, my heart hurts. And so does the hearts of millions of others. These people have no cause to throw salt in our open wounds.

They are the specific target audience to which I am screaming FUCK. YOU.

If you do not respect the man, respect the man's talent. Respect his influence on pop culture. What is Rihanna's wardrobe without the Michael Jackson influence, who do Usher, Justin Timberlake, NeYo, Omarion, Chris Brown and all your other pop favs model themselves after? Look how much it costs to sample his songs (IF you get clearance)!

I am infuriated all over again!

I can only remind myself that it is not about the haters, it's about Mike. Last night I dug through some old pics looking for one particular Headstart photo. The three year old me wearing overalls with a Michael Jackson button on each side. Yeah, he was even with me on picture day. I was a serious, SERIOUS, Michael Jackson head as a kid. Most people have pics of stars in their bedroom, my Michael Jackson poster hung in the kitchen! If I was in the kitchen, so was Mike.

His music is the soundtrack to my childhood. I cannot separate the words "Michael Jackson" from "childhood", to lose Michael is to lose that symbol of my first few years. I cried for my loss today, I cried for his family, and I cried for those who can't see past his pain to honor his legacy.

And even though I cried for the haters, once the tears fell, I was back to those two words. FUCK YOU.

The Scams Continue

2009-05-18T13:10:00.002-04:00

Someone on the other side of the world has not heard that we are in a recession. I logged into my Dorchester's Daughter account to do some work on the website (www.dorchestersdaughter.com if you haven't had the opportunity to visit yet) and found an email. This doesn't happen too often so I was eager to find out what the readers had to say.

Lo and Behold-

DEAR FRIEND,

GREETING IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. I AM MRS.SOLANGE WAAIDI,A WIDOW TO LATE MIKA WAAIDI. I AM 50 YEARS OLD,I AM A NEW CHRISTIAN CONVERT, SUFFERING FROM LONG TIME CANCER OF THE BREAST,FROM ALL INDICATION MY CONDITIONS IS REALLY DETERIORATING AND IT IS QUITE OBVIOUS THAT I WON'T LIVE MORE THAN SIX MONTHS,ACCORDING TO MY DOCTORS,THIS IS BECAUSE THE CANCER STAGE HAS GOTTEN TO A VERY BAD STAGE. MY LATE HUSBAND WAS KILLED DURING THE COTE'D IVORE CIVIL WAR, AND DURING THE PERIOD OF OUR MARRIAGE WE COULD'NT PRODUCE ANY CHILD. MY LATE HUSBAND WAS VERY WEALTHY AND AFTER HIS DEATH, I INHERITED ALL HIS BUSINESS AND WEALTH.THE DOCTORS HAS ADVISED ME THAT I MAY NOT LIVE FOR MORE THAN SIX MONTHS;SO I NOW DECIDED TO DIVIDE THE PART OF THIS WEALTH, TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHRIST CHURCHS AROUND THE GLOBE. I SELECTED YOU AFTER VISITING THE INTERNET AND I PRAYED OVER IT.I AM WILLING TO DONATE THE SUM OF $5,000.000.00 U.S DOLLARS,TO THE LESS PRIVILEGED.PLEASE I WANT YOU TO NOTE THAT THIS FUND IS LYING IN AN INTERNATIONAL BANK.I HONESTLY PRAY THAT THIS MONEY,WHEN TRANSFERRED WILL BE USED FOR THE SAID PURPOSE;BECAUSE I HAVE COME TO FIND OUT THAT WEALTH ACQUISITION WITHOUT CHRIST IS VANITY. MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD JESUS THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE HOLY SPRITE BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY.

YOURS IN CHRIST,
MRS.SOLANGE WAAIDI.

Have they resorted to using the Lord's name in vein now? I cannot even begin to understand what kind of person sits at a computer and writes this stuff. And you have to be some kind of heathen to use the Lord so shamelessly.

But you know what? On the flip side, I cannot fathom the kind of poor sap that falls for it. If we are still falling for scam mails in this day and age, in THIS here recession, I am sorry but we deserve to get got. Dismissed!

2009-05-13T08:54:00.003-04:00

I just found out that my father passed away. Not recently, he passed away on New Year's Eve. Yes, as you search your mental calender, you are realizing that is five months ago. And I found out today.

My brother and I have been living the life of fatherless adults for years now. We knew where to find him, as he knew where to find us. Yet no one sought a relationship. The last time I saw him, we'd heard that he had a stroke.

Again we'd gotten the news very late, but when we were told we went straight to his apartment. It had been over a year since the stroke but the damage was evident. We watched as he tried to spoon feed himself chocolate cake, his hand shaking like Ali when he carried the Olympic Torch. I decided then, that I didn't want to see him like that again. The father I remember was strong, warm, and loving. The one I saw that day, years ago, couldn't even speak a coherent sentence.

Was I wrong for wanting to remember him my way? Will I regret it now that I know he's gone? To be honest, I don't know much of anything right now. I thought writing would clarify my feelings. I still feel hollow. There has been a piece of me missing since my mom and dad went their separate ways. This just feels like confirmation.

The First 50

2009-04-03T10:14:00.003-04:00

Here's a bit of word association. I saw it on a friend's Facebook page and decided to indulge. I've typed exactly what came to mind when I read the word. I'm on a mission to find out where my head is these days-figured this is a fine start!

The rules are as follows (in case you haven't got the jist of it and want to try it yourself);

Type what comes to mind FIRST whenever you see these 50 words. No second thoughts, no going back and changing things. It's not about being PC and it doesn’t matter how random it is!

1. Beer: I'd have to be tipsy first to enjoy one
2. Food: my weakness
3. Relationships: hard work
4. Crush: Common
5. Dreams: attaining them can be simple or complicated but you don't know until you try
6. Life: is a series of trials and errors
7. President: MAYBE
8. Yummy: indulge now feel guilty later
9. Cars: KB just might love them more than me
10. Movies: Dolby Digital
11. Halloween: for kids
12. Sex: *smiles*
13. Religion: my core
14. Hate: a word I use too liberally
15. Fear: failure
16. Marriage: next step....next year?
17. Blondes: overrated...lol
18. Slippers: slipper socks are heaven
19. Shoes: beautiful and painful
20. Men: can't live with them....can't procreate without them
21. Women: more difficult that we'd like to believe
22. Pass time: Books
23. Cell Phone: crackberry
24. Smoke: stinky
25. Fantasy: Money is no object
26. College: choices
27. High school: carefree
28. Pajamas: tshirt and panties
29. Stars: constantly reaching for them
30. Goal: meaningful accomplishments
31. Alcohol: alter ego-Nessa Fierce, lol
32. Love: consuming
33. Friends: like snowflakes- no two are alike
34. Money: I don't have enough
35. Heartache: devastating
36. Time: never seem to use it wisely
37. Divorce: not an option
38. Dogs: Yorkie or a pug...one day soon
39. Undies: boy shorts are my fav
40. Parents: made me who I am
41. Babies: one day *crosses fingers*
42. Ex: ex for a reason
43. Song: Right now I have Mavado "Settle Down" in my head
44. Color: Blue
45. Weddings: expensive
46. Pizza: Italians think of all the good foods
47. Hangout: wine and friends
48. Rest: none for the weary
49. Achievement: still working on making a name for myself
50. Inspiration: failure

Just my thoughts man

2009-04-01T14:30:00.002-04:00

I'm baaaaaaaack.

Shout out to KB! Happy Birthday babes. Lord knows you are my daily April fool's joke.

Please don't wonder why I haven't posted much. I have no answers, there is no legitimate reason. Just plain haven't felt like it. It's nice to know you missed me though! *waves*

Between this Steve Harvey craze, various chats with my newlywed friend, Slim's thoughts, and the one argument that will I am confident will be the demise of KB and I, I am beginning to wonder if I am subconsciously sabotaging.

Miss Independent, tends to focus a lot on herself. Specifically, what I need to do to get where I want to be. I guess I have a one track mind-that track being my own road to success. And even if there is a passenger or two in the car, I am the driver. It's been damn near four years and I still haven't grasped the "we".

I can't shake my independence. I have had to do for self since for as long as I can remember. But it's no longer my redeeming quality, it's become baggage. I want to unpack that bag and make room for the domestic goddess. The one who doesn't cringe when she hears Destiny's Child sing Cater 2 U (I am even making faces as I write the song title. It is gonna be an uphill battle).

If there are any reformed "me" to "we" girls out there, please help a sista out. What exactly does this transition entail? I tried a few things with the experiment (which did show promise) but I do not think I can add that to my daily routine.

If you have ideas, I'd be happy to hear them. Maybe even try a thing or two. I am ready for the 2nd step. I've already admitted the problem.

My Blogiversary

2009-03-17T10:00:00.000-04:00

(Why do I hear Toni Tony Tone in my head, "its your anniversary"?)

On this day in 2008, I woke up with an odd pain in my back. I hadn't done anything freaky or fun the night before so I couldn't fathom what would cause me pain. And then it hit me.

More intense than the pain was the realization that I am getting old. Only old people have pain for no reason! I figured pretty soon I'll know when it's going to rain by the ache in my knee (you know every old person has that gift). In an effort to laugh, to keep from crying, I began chronicling my transition from late 20's to early 30's and folks this here blog is what we ended up with.

I made a few friends along the way. Most of them too shy to add their two sense *waves at friends on the west coast and in Europe who drop by now and then* . Love ya anyway!

What have I learned from this year?

-Grown up relationships are hard and need constant nurturing
-Mistakes don't matter nearly as much as what you learn from
-I have a shopping addiction
-With growth comes a bit of separation from those who have not evolved with you
-My biological clock needs some to be on some daylight savings asap, cuz we are not ready
-I am a behind schedule in terms of planning for my future

To name a few. I hope the lessons from my last year in my 20's are equally valid. I hope that when I fall down I can pick myself up again. I hope you guys are still along for the ride!

Happy Blogiversary!

The Man of My Dreams

2009-03-04T10:50:00.003-05:00

Yall don't even understand how pissed I was when I woke up this morning. After dreaming about being this man's significant other and all the goodness it bring....I woke up next to a totally different person, lol.

I love my baby but that was not a pleasant surprise!

My imagination is too wild at night.

A Dream Deferred-Part Deux

2009-02-19T12:09:00.002-05:00

The snooze button on my biological clock has not given me a sense of peace. I thought rationalizing the fact that I am not "ready" financially, morally (I do want to be married first), emotionally (still have mama issues I need to get past) would put things in perspective.

It has not.

If I am not thinking about parenthood in the day, I will most certainly see our offspring in my dreams at night. In recent months, in just about every dream (no matter the content) there is a little girl by my side. The most beautiful girl child I have ever seen.

My friend's mom says I am not over the loss of my first child and it is her I see in my dreams. She is watching over me. I like that theory, it comforts me at times.

But I think the more accurate theory is that I am plum crazy. Not Nadya Suleman crazy, but deranged just the same.

There is a hole where my heart used to be. No matter how much I try to fill it with other things, nothing comes close to motherhood.

My biggest fear? Its not raccoons or drowning, as I have led others to believe (though they do scare the shit out of me). It is that little girl, the one in my dreams, being the closest thing I will ever have to a biological child.

Save the advice for someone who needs it

2009-02-05T14:48:00.000-05:00

I will start by saying I am far from perfect. Just about every week I air out my imperfections right here. With that said, I am no fan of unsolicited advice. Please do not tell me what to do if I have not asked your opinion.

I've recently become re acquainted with an ex. He is married, baby on the way. You guys are aware that I,too, have a significant other. While I love that we can be friends, there is something that boils my blood about his lil pep talks.

I feel as though it will come to the point where I ask "does your wife take kindly to these lectures?"

If I respond "spaghetti" to the question "what's for dinner?" He suggests I add a little sausage. He has a helpful damn hint for everything,"hand wash the dishes don't use the dishwasher that's lazy". Oh it is? I will be sure and let your wife know you'd prefer that the dishes are hand washed at your house. We use the dishwasher at mine.

Am I over reacting? The way I see it...I run this, it is MY home. He is in no way involved in our daily activities so why should he have an unsolicited say so?

How's the weather?

2009-02-01T10:32:00.000-05:00

It's been a while but I can't go very long without getting shit off my chest. I need my blog to vent, and I need my readers...well cuz it's nice to know I'm not talking to myself.

Today's vendetta? Small Talk. It irks me. I just don't get it. Don't ask what I am doing for the sake of asking. And we both know you don't really care how the family, boyfriend, job, fill in the blank is....why ask?

If you are asking out of genuine interest and concern that is different. But asking just to preface what you REALLY want to talk about? Spare me please! I don't mind you getting to the point after the initial "hello?", "hey what's up?" part of the conversation. I honestly don't. In fact I prefer it.

So many people do not understand this about me. KB is one of those people. Even after having spoken to him two or three times in one day he will still start a conversation with "what's up?" Are you kidding? Please say what it is that needs to be said!

Am I crazy, or is small talk unnecessary?

Return to Sender

2009-01-27T16:06:00.002-05:00

When we spend a long period of time with a significant other we acquire stuff; gifts, momentous, and the like. Even when the relationship does not last these things they've brought into our lives are constant reminders.

Do we give them back?

No. That's petty. Should we keep them? I don't know. Who wants constant reminders? And what if it is replaced by something nicer from the new s.o? You find yourself wearing a pretty cocktail ring so often that the new guy notices. He picks up an beautiful one and presents it to you as a gift. Is that license to toss the other one aside?

What about a sexy nightie? If a man buys you sexy lingerie for his own eyes is it ok to wear it for the new boo?

I thought about all these things the other day. The heat in our apartment has been non existent at best which meant the traditional tshirt and undies to bed was just not gonna cut it. I fumbled through the many pj sets I have and do not use, looking for the ultimate in comfort. Flannel.

And there it was baby blue capri pant with winnie the pooh (my absolute fav man on the planet). As I pulled them on I remembered the set was the highly coveted gift of the century, given to me a few years prior by an ex. Though I still adore these pjs I was almost hesitant to put them on because of how much I once loved them, and loved him for knowing I would.

I shrugged it off. "They're just pajamas" I decided as I slipped them on. When I emerged from the bedroom KB noticed right away. "Bringing Pooh back?"

Does he even know how much I once adored Pooh? Does he know all things Pooh were the go to gift for me at one point in life? Probably not. So he can't know my pjs came from a man. Would he be upset if he did?

All the mental rambling got be to thinking of all the other things I've collected from guys along the way. What do you ladies do with ex stuff? Return to sender?

Maybe

2009-01-22T14:50:00.003-05:00

I do not think hope is something I ever really understood until this presidential election. I am always about realism, logistics. Give me facts that I can refer back to, concrete findings, statistics. I was never one for abstract thought or hypothetical. "Maybe" has almost certainly meant "no" in the past. But even the realist in me sees that there is something extraordinary about potential.

Throughout the inaugural weekend my elation was coupled with a hopeful song on my soul. Like a record skipping these few words played over and over;

Oh there been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I am able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come

I wasn't around when Sam Cooke made those words famous, but I share the sentiment just the same. That change has been coming since the Civil Rights Movement...and though I am not optimistic enough to say it is here, I cannot deny the "maybe" my heart is filled with.

Maybe we can fix some of those Bush mistakes
Maybe America's reputation can be restored
Maybe the country will continue to live in this harmonious existence
Maybe hard work truly does pay of
Maybe we are starting to be judged by the content of our character
Maybe change does start with ONE person
Maybe
Maybe
MAYBE

......Maybe "maybe" isn't as bad as I thought. Maybe hope is all I needed all these years.

My President is Black

2009-01-20T10:30:00.005-05:00

And America loves him almost as much as his wife does! Happy Inauguration Day!

What's in a Name?

2009-01-15T15:22:00.003-05:00

Romeo told Juliet "that which we call a rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet". If that is true, than is that which we call Adolf Hitler just as merciless? Should we be just as fearful?

Confused? Not as confused as I was when I learned that an NJ couple named their son Adolf Hitler Campbell.

I will wait. You'll probably need to let that marinate for a bit.

Now that you've let it really set in...don't fly off the handle just yet. You haven't heard what they've named their daughters. His sister's names? JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. Go ahead. Curse them. Shake your head. Rant about how birth control should not be an option but a mandate. I did all that and then some before turning off the news last night.

Ironically, I have always said parents who name their children with such disregard for their futures should be deemed unfit. I sincerely believed Social Services should take them away; it is child abuse in my eyes. But even then, I meant names like Diamond, Versace, Mercedes, Karlequa. And the pre-fixes! (sigh) You know Ty, La, Rae, added to perfectly fine name like Keith. THOSE are the parents I believed could not really care for the children they are rearing.

After careful consideration, I just might take that back. Because if it was between LaKeith James Patterson and Adolf Hitler Campbell? Adolf loses every time.

A Dream Deferred

2009-01-14T13:40:00.004-05:00

A bunch of bougie party-throwers got it in their heads that they can make a whole lot of cash off of the few folks who will not be in DC this weekend. Not much unlike DC residents who will be raking it in off of the thousands who will be there.

How?

Throw around the words "Yes We Can" and "I Have a Dream". If it is not MLK or Obama related it is not happening this weekend. My Facebook page has been bombarded with invites and I know it is not just here in Boston. If we're getting THIS much excitement imagine LA, MIA, ATL, NY, Chi-town? It's reason enough for people to go harder than DJ Khalid, Kanye, and T Pain.

So this is where my plea comes in. Brown folks, pay particular attention. As we go forth and party in the name of change...let's mean it. If we are going to embrace the messages of these men, let's do the message some real justice. Can we make some REAL changes?

Can we forget about the fact that some guy hit on your girl or stepped on your Kenneth Cole loafers and NOT "see him" outside? Can we choose to respect the woman who has declined your offer to "get to know" each other? Maybe say "that's cool. It was nice to meet you" instead of "fuck you, you ain't all that anyway"? Winter weather is upon us, ladies, can we avoid wearing that mini dress? Can we leave the heels at home until we've learned to walk in them? Can we not lead a brotha on in the name of free alcohol? Can we order a bottle of Moet and drink it out of the glass instead of bringing the bottle to the dance floor? Can we leave the sunglasses at home? We do go to these parties after the sun has gone down, correct? While we are at it, can we remove the 2 carat CZs as well?

Yes We Can!

(pause. I'll wait, you may need a church fan, bout to break off some knowledge)

I have a dream! That one day... hopefully as soon as this weekend... we will live up to the expectations of those who paved the way for us to be humanized in America. One day we will stop acting life the buffoons we are portrayed as, in the media. My dream is that ABWs (Angry Black Women) and thuggery (gold chains and teeth included) will become stereotypes of the past. Can we behave a little but more like Barack and Michelle? Can we perpetuate THAT image instead of the ones displayed on Real Chance at Love?

I HAVE A DREAM! That the cops who shot young black men last week (in two separate incidents) will be prosecuted for their unwarranted and racist acts of violence. Wait that's another topic for another post. Sorry I was on a roll.

In that faithful speech Dr. King said "America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked 'insufficient funds.' If we are to consider the Obama Inauguration a sign that that check has finally been cashed, brown people....all I ask is that we do not spend it all in one place.

Say Goodbye to Peter Pan

2009-01-12T12:00:00.001-05:00

At 28, I have been out of college and working full time for four years. I have had three jobs in that four years and not once had I taken the initiative to plan for my future. I've always focused on the bills I need to pay now, the vacations I want to go on, the shoes that would be cute with the dress I have my eye on. Each obligation more pressing than the money I would need 40 years from now.

I was often nagged by a little birdie; a co-worker who was opening hers, a friend in finance...but I always had my reasons. Not even the fact that I work in Human Resources, where the opportunity presents itself everyday, was good enough reason.

Last week my reasons lost their relevance. The soles on the shoes become worn, the dress is rarely as pretty as it is on the mannequin, the vacations eventually become pictures on a Facebook album and the memories fade. The bills....the bills never quite go away but retirement age? It draws nearer by the day. And as each day passes, I lose an opportunity to save.

Friday I sat down with the retirement consultant at work. Together we laid the excuses to rest; I set up a 403B. As we talked over next steps and plan options she said something very important.

"It's time to grow up. Say goodbye to Peter Pan."

That statement instantly struck a cord in me. Those few words made what I was doing clear as day; saying goodbye to the idea that I would be young forever.

I

2009-01-11T12:00:00.000-05:00

I do great deal of self reflection. That's no surprise right? But there are areas of my personal perception I hadn't touched. Never quite had the balls to go there. Ms. S and I challenged ourselves to go the distance and take time to dig deeper than we are comfortable going by completing a series of I statements. I was not completely ready to be that honest with myself.

Just as I struggled to find these right answers, I felt the same hesitation when sitting down to post them for everyone to see. But I realized it's about creating room for a growth; If I can't be real with yall then I am not being real with me.

so here I am....

I am: not easily broken
I hear: the my grandmother's regrets and wonder what mine will be when I am her age.
I regret: the decision to stay in MA for college
I always: worry
I long to: be a mother
I feel alone when: I have no connection to anyone there.
I hide: my hurt feelings in a place deep within. My pride would never allow me to be that vulnerable.
I drive: myself crazy trying to live up to my own expectations
I sing: like I actually have talent. I am THE best at ad libs
I dance: when I anticipate a good meal. I love food.
I write: the words I am afraid to say.
I play: the role of a wife without a ring on my finger
I miss: seeing my friends as often as I did when we were younger. The older I get the more precious our time together is to me.
I search: for the right words each time I post. I want to be as genuine as possible.
I say: some really hurtful things when I am pissed.
I feel: encouraged when I think about the future.
I dream: about the daughter I did not carry to term
I wonder: if I am doing what God has designed for me
I want: the kind of love stories are written about
I worry: about something just about everyday
I give what I can; even though I worry it is not enough
I fight: with KB more often than necessary. Two stubborn people in one relationship. (sigh)
I am: me.
I can't: stand a mess. There is no clarity in clutter.
I stay: even though sometimes I think we'd be better apart.
I will: not give up on my dreams.
I can: hold a grudge far too long.
I would: love to vacation in Dubai.
I might: not ever swallow my pride.
I like: when I can let my guard down.
I love: looking back at how far I've come.
I smile: whenever I see myself in the mirror.
I frown: when I get up to go to work in the morning.
I read: to escape what I see.
I work: hard.

Friday Fuck You- Dirty Laundry

2009-01-09T11:24:00.003-05:00

It is the new year, and while most of us are quite tired of people using that as an excuse, it really is time for a clean slate. I, myself, have been working on getting my goals and priorities in order. Not just for 09 but for the next three years or so together. Yes, three. When I plan, I plan. And apparently I am so focused on my grind that I am thinking about it in my sleep.

Last night I dreamt that I was at the laundromat. I was separating the whites and colors, trying to find empty machines. I was more diligent than I am when I do laundry while awake, so even in my sleep I could sense there was meaning and urgency in cleaning these loads.

Once the laundry was done I had an overwhelming sense to double check it all. Make sure that I did not forget a single sock before I walked out that door. It sort of ended there.

Now obviously this dream was a bit strange. As soon as I was able I checked the online dream dictionary. And the meaning is as follows;

To dream that you are doing your laundry, suggests that you are cleaning up your act or change your image. You are concerned about how you appear to others.

To dream that you are sorting the laundry, indicates that you are trying to understand your own feelings and sorting your attitudes

DD is focused yall.

Fuck You Dirty Laundry. It's time to clean up my act! It is time to make room for the new and improved. I am dusting off all the bs; leaving the negativity behind.

100th Episode

2009-01-06T20:20:00.006-05:00

Man. I am amazed that I've devoted this much time to a project. 100 times I have sat at a computer and shared my thoughts, my fears, and my dreams. Thanks for rocking with me folks!

For a while I tried to find the perfect topic for my 100th post. Nothing really expressed how grateful I am for having this outlet or how thankful I am to have people who check in on me each day. I wondered how I could articulate the importance of freedom of speech truly is without boring you with a history lesson.

Monday, inspiration hit me...in the form of Running Mom; my fellow blogger has nominated me for the a blogger award. Her nomination is both flattering and encouraging. And like clockwork, the message behind the nomination was on time.

And now I will pay it forward. Francois De La Rochefoucauld said "It is easier to be wise for others than for ourselves."

The bloggers I have chosen to nominate are writers who have used their words to evoke thought and wisdom in others...even in jest.

Sista Toldja-The Pride of Bed Stuy

Naked With Socks On-A man who leaves very little to the imagination

Single Ma-The woman who makes my own money dreams seem attainable

VSB-The blog whose name says it all

I am not too sure that any of my favs, with the exception of RunningMom, have ever stopped by but if you happen upon their blogs and decide to leave a comment (although you don't comment here, lol) ....let them know I sent them a lil shout out!

Friday Fuck You-2008

2009-01-02T11:00:00.000-05:00

I am tired of the 08 blues and I know it is not just me. My friends and family have shed tears about everything from the economic downturn to relationship problems. From family dysfunction to outright rage. The new, in recent days, is flooded with turmoil; downsizing, natural disasters, and even a man who detested is ex in-laws so much that he blew up their holiday party. The blues ain't no joke.

So why not kick our sorrows to the curb? There's no time like 09 to leave it all behind. Cheers to a new year, a new President, and most importantly a new you!

As I write words of encouragement, proclaiming 2009 as a year that invokes hope in us all, I hear the melody of Sam Cooke;

"There've been times that I've thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come"

Fuck you 2008. I'm focused on my future right now and I wouldn't look back if you tapped me on my shoulder!

This year let's not resolve to lose weight, to pick up a hobby, or to quit smoking or drinking. While they are all great efforts, this new year needs to be about more. We need revolutionary change! Change that will make certain the frowns and tears of 2008 do not recur. Let's pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and carry on. Going forth the big picture is a better you.

The Countdown

2008-12-31T13:34:00.003-05:00

Traditionally, at 11:59:54 we begin a countdown that ushers us into a new year in unison. Whether you are in a club, at home with friends, or in the center of town waiting on that ball to drop, those last five seconds are the same for eveyone.

In a matter of seconds you can leave behind the tears, frustrations, and angst of the year's past while welcoming the hope of another year's future bit. I get the warm and fuzzies just thinking about it! In honor of the countdown I have compiled a list of the five things I will not miss about 08.

Out with the old....

5. Money Woes
The struggling economy with a less than modest paycheck were not haut in 08. Let me tell you! I will gladly say my goodbyes to the credit card debit (to be paid off by June-Woot!), high gas prices, and all things low budget.

4. TPain and the overindulgence in autotune
Now Ms. S politely reminded me that T Pain isn't exactly going anywhere. But I can say goodbye to his contribution to the demise of music as a whole. You can't even hip hop that is dead anymore. He has shown up in places where good musicians are and ruined them entirely...It's like a cancerous infection that has spread through all genres. Nothing is safe or sacred!

3. Politics; Republican style
I don't even want to go into detail. The names alone should cover it; George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, and John McCain. I would include Joe The Plumber but he isn't a registered voter, he has no say so.

2. Being unhappy at work.
I have struggled. Struggled... to stay put. But 09 is mine and this job is not. I paid my dues and the dues of people who left business unfinished. I got to go people!

1. Drama
If it wasn't a relationship problem, it was a family problem, or a friend's problems. Foreclosures, incarcerations, health issues, job loss. My loved ones have been through it and back this year. It was hard to find happiness.

And I can woosah, now that is it all less than 10 hours away from offically being "in the past".

Happy NEW YEAR!

Black Women Walking

2008-12-29T12:00:00.001-05:00

A few days ago KB and I were talking and he asked "how often do guys hit on you". Without so much as a second thought, I replied "every single day". The surprise on his face called for further explanation. My response?

"I am very shapely. It has nothing to do with my beauty, my smile or anything I could actually consider an attribute. It is my body. No matter how how pissed I look, how tired or exhausted I am, whether I am dressed professionally, in Uggs and jeans, or a burlap sack...they look at me and think sex. That is it. So it is hardly flattering."

He sighed. I sighed. Nothing more was said.

On a daily basis, I am inspected by the men I come into contact with. In the same way that a food is checked for quality assurance, myself and millions of other black women, are dissected by the men we walk by. There is always a feeling of being scrutinized. We are judged by some misogynistic criteria, after which we are catcalled. Every single day.

On one particular day, in 1998, 16 year old Adailah Gaither was gunned down at a bus stop for refusing to give a young man her phone number.

Pause.

Let that soak in for a moment.

For refusing to give a young man her phone number. While nothing I have gone through equates such a tragic end to her young life, the thought has crossed my mind. I have wondered if saying something in my own defense would lead to some sort of violence on more than one occasion.

But my experience is my own. And the next woman may feel very differently. Which is why I was surprised that this young girl's death has inspired a documentary. In the film, Black Women Walking, several ladies detail their experiences being harassed by black men in passing.

Upon hearing about the video, my initial reaction was..."ok??" How could a documentary define this phenomenon? I wasn't sure that this was something that needed extensive exploration. I've talked about my own experience in a post or two, but the magnitude of the problem was lost on me until watching a youtube snippet.

What really hit home for me was the young woman who said "Anytime I pass by a black dude, or a big group of them, I expect something to be said. And sometimes I am actually surprised when they don't say anything at all."

Her words were so simple, but when she spoke them I realized that it really isn't about how shapely you are. It has nothing to do with weight, complexion, height, or any of our vast differences. It is a scrutiny that knows no preference...other than female. How many of us are going through this daily?

The End of the Experiment

2008-12-27T13:00:00.000-05:00

Gifts aside I have gotten more out of the experiment than I ever anticipated. I truly feel closer to my man and more secure in our relationship. We weren't headed to Splitsville but we might have been on our way to monotony. The Five Love Languages gave me a reference point, a compass, and a flashlight. With those tools I was able to lead us into a better understanding of each other's true needs.

I know all the ladies are curious about the big gift. Well all but Ms. S because I was chatting with her when I figured out what it was. I can only say that Diamonds are Forever. It's not a ring but I did get some bling.

Merry Christmas!!!!

2008-12-25T06:00:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas to all my readers and loved ones. I hope that we can all take time before (or after) opening presents and reacquaint ourselves with the real reason for this season.

Love and laugh...enjoy the company of others. But most importantly be thankful for all the things that you do have, in this economy blessings fall short.

Enjoy!

She Said 'This Will Come Back to You'

2008-12-24T17:32:00.002-05:00

And it did...

Tuesday afternoon I sat in McDonald's finishing up my lunch and playing Bejeweled on my Blackberry. An older disheveled woman sat down at the table adjacent to mine. I noticed her because she coughed a couple times, which always makes me uneasy (see the movie Outbreak). I made a mental note to focus less on the game and more on my meal.

She excused herself and asked if I had the time. Even with my limited social skills, I immediately realized this would be a sign of the onset of a conversation. I stopped playing the game and let her know what time it was.

"I am hungry. Do you know if this restaurant will accept food stamps?" she asked. I sighed, realizing my "I doubt it" would almost certainly be followed a financial request.

I have grown skeptical of all people in the Downtown Boston area. Having worked there for a year, I have heard heartfelt stories of struggle and stories of straight up, organic, bullshit. But more often than not, it is hard to differentiate the two. I've taken this to mean that I should trust no one. But a voice in my heart said "trust her".

She did not ask for my money. I finished my meal in silence. The voice said "offer".

I struggled. I tried to reason that the money in my pocket was not my own. My aunt had given me a $20 to buy something for her and I was carrying her change. "Give it to her" the voice petitioned. The inner rebellion withdrew and although she still hadn't outright asked for my help, I gave her $5.

She showered me with praise and thanked me continuously. The woman was obviously grateful and sincere. Just as I stood up to leave she said "God will bless you. This will come back to you."
Sure, I'd hoped it was true but I did not give it to her in the hopes of reciprocation. My journey in The Experiment has taught me to give without inhibition. The voice, the Lord's voice, told me to...and I did what I was told. No (further) questions asked.

So I went to the ATM and took out a $20 so that I could give my aunt her change. I thought nothing more of the incident.

Until today.

I came home from work and checked the mailbox. Amongst the bills and Christmas cards was an envelope from my weekend job. A check was enclosed.

Now this is a place where I do administrative work twice per month. I was not expecting a check, a bonus, nothing of the sort. The only thing I am waiting for from them is my W2 and the year isn't over yet. Curiously I read the letter before opening the check.

The letter says that a former resident has donated a significant about of money and that they have chosen to pass that donation onto the staff. The check...a modest $25...instantly brought me back to her words.

If It Isn't Love

2008-12-23T09:08:00.002-05:00

(No that is not a plug for my book...glad it's in your thoughts though. Coming soon I promise!)

Call me a Bostonian but I think New Edition hit the nail on the head with that one. For those who lived under a rock in the late 80's the song I am referring to has a line that says "If it isn't love, why does it hurt so bad...make me feel so sad inside".

Before I go any further, I would like to put my disclaimer out there. Early! For reader clarity, I do not mean emotional, physical, or verbal abuse. I am referring to sibling rivalry, the rough patch in an otherwise heaven sent union, teen angst, and the like.

Why does love hurt? Not only the act of loving those we are are committed to, sometimes loving family and friends can be strenuous. We grow weary, we pull away, but eventually we go right back. Why? Love is such a powerful emotion that pain will inevitably be associated with it's adversary...hurt. I guess, Newton's Law applies to emotion too; for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction.

Think about it. Do we care as much if it isn't love? Of course not. Think back to your most recent argument, fight, the last time you shed tears and retrieve the hurt feelings. Omit the loved one and replace it with someone you have no feelings for...does the situation pan out the same way? Do you feel the same frustration?

This time recall the perfect place, the perfect time, and most loving experience. Remember this isn't just about your boyfriend or girlfriend so don't get all freaky. The impromptu snowball fight with friends, the time you and your brother beat your mother at scrabble...those times. If you replaced that loved one with (again) someone you have no feelings for, is the memory as meaningful?

If it isn't love, no it doesn't hurt as bad...but it also doesn't feel as good. And I, for one, am willing to sacrifice a few heartaches for some good quality experiences.

Not Enough Time

2008-12-21T19:21:00.004-05:00

With Christmas nearing it is time for all the last minute shoppers to rustle up all the tokens of love that are leftover from mall sales. Me? I finished my shopping weeks ago: I have a few accessories to pick up here and there but the bulk of my shopping is done.

KB? Lord, give me strength. He has made several failed attempts to go shopping. Is he putting forth a genuine effort?.. probably not. But he does have four days left, so I will save my unkind words til the 26th.

Today, under the stress of a fast approaching deadline, he revealed that his intent was to go to his friend's family jewelry store and buy me the diamond stud earrings I have been fixated on for the past two years. But intent and $0.99 can buy me a jr cheeseburger deluxe at Wendy's.

Wait. I said I was saving the unkind words. But fo' real y'all, I just don't get it. Male lurkers...eh ehem readers...please explain this to me. You have the entire month of December to visit this store. You know what you want to get. Why is it so hard?

I have never dated a man that was so clueless when it comes to gift giving. I am trying to be objective but I don't get it. Here I am making an effort to be more affectionate, to perform more acts of service. I am not really feeling the reciprocation, though.

***3:00 am update. As an insomniac I am usually up at this time. Today when I woke up and headed to the living room to watch tv, I found KB sitting at the computer. He switched the screens and steered me toward the couch, instantaneously. My thought? It's either porn or gifts, lol. Turned out to be gifts.

I guess the moral of the story is, I cannot expect anyone else to operate the way I do. Just because my Christmas shopping was done before November ended doesn't mean everyone else's was or even should have been.

Do I think he'll come through? Honestly? Hmph, I plead the fifth. But I will acknowledge that he is trying. And I am definitely not mad at the gift he has his sights on!

Friday Fuck You-Bullshit

2008-12-19T03:00:00.000-05:00

Slightly different than Denial, bullshit is a bold-faced lie.Bullshit is the communication of fallacies to protect one's own interests. I, my dears, am extremely allergic to bullshit.

It literally causing a chemical imbalance in me. Nothing infuriates me more than bs and being accused of bsing. Why? Because bs is not the kind of lie that you tell for the greater good "no, you do not look fat", "yes Santa will still come visit us even though we live in the bricks", "let him go girl! One day he will realize exactly what he is missing". No BS is bland, tasteless, liaration*

Fuck You Bullshit. I'm getting all congested just mentioning it, can smell you from a mile away.

Bullshit is easily detectable. Remember "Stutter" by Joe? "I can tell you're lying cuz when you're replying stutter stutter, st-st-stutter stutter"

Here's the top eight list of suspicious behaviors (i.e bs detectors):
-A change in the voice's pitch.
-A change in the rate of speech.
-A sudden increase in the number of "ums" and "ahs."
-A change in eye contact. Normally, one makes eye contact one-quarter to one-half of the time. If suddenly, at the convenient moment to lie, he's staring at you or looking away, beware.
-Turning his body away from you, even if just slightly.
-Suddenly being able to see the white on the top and bottom of a person's eyes, not just the sides.
-A hand reaching, even if momentarily, to cover part of the face, especially the mouth.
-Nervous movement of feet or legs.

Consider yourselves immunized!

Dear Readers

2008-12-17T08:30:00.002-05:00

It is hard to believe that I am fast approaching my centennial. My 100th post. There are people out there who do not comment, but are just as amused my by ramblings as Ms. S, MyMoneyDream, RunningMom. It's true!

I want to get to know you guys better. I have readers in Lebanon, Italy, South Africa and have no idea what brings them here. I feel like JayZ, "You could be anywhere in the world but you're here with me. And I appreciate that". So to show you just how much I love you guys, I have decided to do a contest. This contest is only for the shy! I encourage you all to voice your opinions. Let yoour voice be heard!

Comment on a post written between today and my 100th post and I will randomly choose one lucky winner. I will announce said winner on the 100th post*; they will receive a $10 iTunes gift card**. What say ye??

*anticipated contest end date is January 9th
**yes $10. It's a recession people!

Asleep at the Wheel???

2008-12-15T16:03:00.003-05:00

As the day trickles to an end I figured I'd visit my go to spot for a good laugh. Everybody needs a good chuckle on a Monday right? This is one of my favorite blogs because it confirms that the residents of Boston are indeed one of a kind. The Boston Police Department has a blog that updates visitors on some of the more peculiar offenses that have taken place in the city. At the risk of public embarrassment, I had to share with my readers, the ridiculousness my fellow Bostonians get themselves into.

With this one I found myself at a loss for words (Yes KB, we know, me with nothing to say is nothing short of phenomenal)

Asleep on the Job

This morning around 1:25AM, officers from District A-1 (Downtown) were on patrol in the area of 75 West School St. in Charlestown when they went around the back of the building. There, officers observed a man sleeping in the driver’s seat.

Officers checked the registration of the car and that checked revealed the car was stolen in the South End on 12/13/08. Officers woke up the sleeping suspect and placed him under arrest. During an inventory check of the car, offices recovered jacket with a plastic bag with several pieces of jewelry in a plastic bag with price tags along with a cell phone. When asked about the jacket, the suspect denied ownership of the jacket, however officers found pictures of the suspect in the cell phone. The suspect was arrested and charged with Receiving a Stolen Motor Vehicle, and Receiving Stolen Property.

Now see, I told you. No words.

Friday Fuck You- The First (and sometimes lasting) Impression

2008-12-12T11:00:00.002-05:00

Ms. S and I have been discussing the roles male friends play in our lives. While we both agree that these friendships are solid and genuine, I feel as though my friendships with will forever be tainted by the first impression of me.

Of my three closest male friends (one of which I refer to as my brother) two of them came into my life trying to get into my pants. They got to know me for who I am, through being politely rejected. The third, was a little more subtle in his quest because I had no idea he even looked at me that way until we came back from hanging out one night. We were too intoxicated to dare drive anywhere so I crashed on the futon in his dorm.

***admin note: Before the story continues, I will reiterate that this was (and is to this day) one of my dearest friends. There were many sleepovers, many drunken nights, no fondling, no kissing, nothing. It was completely natural for me to spend the night in his room. And UNHEARD OF for him to expect any to come of it.

Imagine my surprise when he suggested that I join him in the bed? Miraculously the room stopped spinning, and suddenly I was sober as hell. I spoke without slurred speech when I replied "I am quite comfortable right here, THANK YOU. And if you do not stay waaay over there where you belong I will kick you in your neck." Yes, he too, was declined. Just not as politely.

The question remains, how did three of my bestest friends every get the impression that they, that WE, could have been anything more? Dare I ask, as Ms. S so boldly did? Seems silly, when I already know the answer. When the fellas met me, they saw a pretty face and curves, as do most men. They had scandalous thoughts, as do most men.

They didn't know me for me yet; even though we are as tight as Mariah Carey's clothes now...they weren't looking at me for anything resembling friendship back then. That's the reality of it.

Fuck You, first impressions. My body is a wonderland but your name isn't Alice.

Slow and Steady

2008-12-11T19:30:00.000-05:00

Per the request of Running Mom and Ms. S here are a few updates with regard to The Experiment. Which has been in effect 9 days;

1. We went out to eat. Virtually unheard of since our first year together.
2. I woke up yesterday morning to find the entire kitchen and living room spit shined, polished, and showroom ready. The man cleaned!
3. I am hearing "thank you" more frequently (though to be completely honest it sounds rehearsed)

Though this is not a drastic improvement I would definitely say we are on the right track. As always, stay tuned.

**Admin note: I was sorting (read NOT snooping) the laundry and found a picture of the Coach purse I want printed directly off of Coach's website. Which would explain his being so adamant about going to the mall alone. I may actually be getting what I want for Christmas. MAY being the operative word.

Happiness Runs in a Circular Motion

2008-12-10T09:30:00.005-05:00

May the smiles of many friends dance in your heart

Did you know that the happiness of those around you is contagious? A recent study suggests that simply surrounding yourself by positive energy will ultimately inflate your own happiness. It is virtually an emotional virus.

To piggyback off of Friday's post; I've been thinking about happiness and contentment for a few weeks. I don't think it would be far-fetched at all to assume that it is an emotion we are all in pursuit of. An ideal. If there is anything you could do to achieve that you would certainly do so. So take a fair assessment; are the people in your immediate circle happy?

I realize that there are more than enough melancholy friends in mine. People I talk to on a daily basis that don't really have very much good news to share. I will absolutely include myself in that, because I know I am guilty of ranting. Going forth, I will have to make it a point to spend more time with happier people. Smile for no reason at all. And say hello to the friends of friends who always have a smile on their face. And maybe my new found glee will, in turn, rub off on the discontented few.

Crackberry Anonymous

2008-12-08T10:38:00.003-05:00

My name is Dorchester's Daughter and I am addicted to my Blackberry

(readers collectively say "Hi DD!)

It's been 4 days and you'd think it was surgically implanted to my hand. You know what?..now that I say that, may not be such a bad idea, lol. I am already that person who does not look at you when you are speaking because they are discussing while distracted.

All hell broke loose when I turned it on initially and there was already a Facebook application. Didn't even have to download it? This can't be right. You mean I don't have to sit in front of my computer ignore random friend requests? Let the annoyed say Amen!

Last night I went on http://www.tmobile.com/ and downloaded ringtones for KB and my mom*. Today I am going to grab Bejeweled** and Ms. Pacman. There are free applications and downloads on the Blackberry website.

During the work day she sits right beside the computer monitor. Just can't bear to put her in my purse. Dare I miss something?! Good Lord hold my hand...or take it out of my hand. Either way, cuz I just know this thing is gonna be trouble.

Somebody help me!

*Can I just tell you that the ringtone for my mom is hysterical. If any TMobile customer has any sort of anxiety at all about seeing their mom's name on the caller id, please download Katt Williams "your mother is calling".

**The game that damn near cost me my education in college. I don't even know how many classes I missed because I spent 4 and 5 hours straight trying to beat my own high score.

It's Just Like a Mini-mall

2008-12-07T21:56:00.004-05:00

I'd begun this post trying to explain why this was initially so funny to me. I flustered with the right words. Nothing sounded witty enough, intellectual enough, ironic enough. No words could quite capture why I sat here and watched it 3 times over and over. I even came up with a few anecdotes about my relationship with the cousin who introduced it to me. But nothing I wrote captured the very essence of it's hilarity. Finally I realized, some things just don't need to be explained...

Friday Fuck You- Pessimism

2008-12-05T11:42:00.003-05:00

By definition, pessimism is the tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasize only bad or undesirable outcomes, results, conditions, problems. Not to be confused with being realistic, pessimism is almost flu like. It starts in your head and pretty soon your whole body aches as a result. I've been feelin that ache these past couple days. I need to recoop and regroup!

There is nothing wrong with being a realist. I am and always will be...but at the same token I find myself walking that very fine line between the two. And lately it seems like I am spending more time on the pessimistic side of the field. All that is going to change!

Fuck You. Pessimism meet the emotional equivalent of Theraflu, Sudafed, and Nyquil. I am about to be over you.

Moving forward my new motto is...

Believe while others are doubting.
Plan while others are playing.
Study while others are sleeping.
Decide while others are delaying.
Prepare while others are daydreaming.
Begin while others are procrastinating.
Work while others are wishing.
Save while others are wasting.
Listen while others are talking.
Smile while others are frowning.
Commend while others are criticizing.
Persist while others are quitting.

Believe While Others-By William Arthur Ward

Progress is a slow process

2008-12-04T22:24:00.000-05:00

and patience is a virtue.

To night I got a little bit of that old romance back. Those butterflies I had early days when I literally thought KB was my Prince Charming. I felt them.

The most insignificant thing will invoke that in a woman. Guys need to know that.

We went to Applebees. Now I did say insignificant, did I not? Well Ms. S. knows more than anybody else but I have been dying for KB to take me. We usually eat cooked meals, leftovers, etc. He isn't into eating out, doesn't trust restaurants, needs to see who is cooking his food, and a laundry list of other excuses.

But I wanna go to Applebees! They have that $20 deal going on and I have been fascinated by the idea of an appetizer AND two entrees for $20. In this economy?! So I watch the commercial like a 3 year old admires the newest Tickle Me Elmo....just hoping that one day we will go.

Well tonight after work, we changed into our sweats and headed on down to our neighborhood Applebee's (did I mention it is literally on my street?).

I had the best time I have had with him in months. MONTHS! I laughed so hard I had a cramp in my side. For the life of me I cannot remember what the hell was so funny! But we laughed!... Together! And not at a tv show or movie! We laughed with each other.

Talk about a breakthrough!

The First Hurdle

2008-12-02T11:02:00.005-05:00

Remember when Sisqo went solo (I swear I am going somewhere with this)? He had a song called Is Love Enough? And even though it has only been 24 full hours since I committed to trying to love KB better, I find myself wondering is love enough? Is it?

I know y'all are like "Dang, this heffa gave up already?!" Well, no I haven't given up per se...I am just trying to be emotionally aware of the affect this commitment will have on me. I've been making a conscience effort to try to be more like Beyonce 'n dem, in Cater 2 U. The mannerisms and behaviors of a catering woman are not inherent in me. These are learned behaviors.

IN learning, I've been very introspective. So when I notice that I have to make a conscious effort to smile while I serve his dinner or iron his clothes, it's a red flag.

Maybe it is my need for instant gratification. There needs to see some level of sincere gratitude. I understand completely that having a "traditional" woman is desired; a man wants the kind of wife who serves him his dinner on a piping hot plate, clears the dishes, lights a candle, and then rocks his world. I get that. Hell I might even date a woman, if I could have that!

But let it be known that we (myself and 95% of the women I know) are not like that. We work just as hard, and need just as much respect. So when I am making a significant effort to be more representative of that image, I deserve a thank you. I deserve a rose every once in a while. I deserve reciprocity. And I do not think I can wait however long it will take for him to acknowledge that I am doing what does not come naturally to me, to make him happy. I am not going to get that if he is viewing it has me "finally" coming to terms with the role I am supposed to take as the woman of the house.

I can't give up, though. Once I give up on trying, I give up completely. I already had one foot out the door and if THIS doesn't work, the other will soon follow. More than anything, I want to see if this change will make a difference. I just don't want to get to the finish line and have done all that I can, and get absolutely nothing in return.

The Experiment

2008-12-01T11:20:00.002-05:00

I read The Five Love Languages in about three days. It was really a common sense look at why KB and I don't see eye to eye. The things I am looking for a symbol of love are not on his radar, and vice versa. It really is that simple. So many of the things said in our big fights were indicators but nothing made it as plain as Gary Chapman.

The most important lesson learned was that the emotionally high of being "in love" only lasts for so long. After that it is about making a choice to do the things that express love in your partner's eyes. Not in your own. Me buying KB all the gifts in the world is not going to show him I love him in the way that making him breakfast would.

In light of this ah ha moment, I have conjured a plan. Twice a day for the next 24 days, I am going to speak to KB in his primary and secondary love languages. If all goes well, he in turn, will be so overcome with love that he will buy me a wonderfully splendid Christmas gift (which would technically be him speaking to me in my primary love language). And the holidays will indeed be happy!

Stay tuned!

The Five Love Languages

2008-11-28T10:21:00.002-05:00

***admin note. It seems wrong to follow a post about praise, thanks, and rejoicing with an f* you so I am keeping the spirit of love through the weekend (at the very least).

KB and I have (more than) a few fundamental differences. As a man from the islands, he is traditional in his view of a woman's role. I, personally, think that barefoot and pregnant look is so outdated! But I digress...

After doing a lil "are we doomed" google search I came across an article by Gary Chapman. He suggests that each individual has a love language, a way that love is communicated to them. A couple who speaks two different love languages would share the same difficulty a person speaking in English to someone who only speaks Russian.

The Five Love Languages are;

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

In that brief article I determined that my love language was likely receiving gifts while KB's was almost certainly acts of service. I immediately decided to purchase Gary's book, which arrived Wednesday night. I went straight to the chapter on what I perceived to be my own love language and I was FLOORED. It was like the man knew me personally!

I encourage you all to pick it up; borrow it from the library, flip through it at a bookstore, do whatever. I promise you, it is going to change outlook on your relationships. Not just with significant others, with close friends, family members, everyone near and dear to you.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T11:02:00.002-05:00

to all my readers!

Today is a day that we can look back at 2008 and just be grateful for what we do have. If on no other day, TODAY, we can give thanks for what we have achieved, and rejoice in all there is to look forward to.

Let's put things into perspective. One of my favorite gospel songs says;
I've had some good days
I've had some hills to climb
I've had some weary days
And some sleepless nights
But when I look around
And I think things over
All of my good days
Out-weigh my bad days
I won't complain

My wish for you all is that on this day, in spite of everything your good days out weigh you bad. Happy Holidays readers, my gift to you is John Legend singing that very song! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Love ya!

10 Days

2008-11-24T15:34:00.006-05:00

that changed my life forever...

I read a post by Running Mom that led to me doing a little soul searching. Initially, I could only come up with one. The one that I mention all the time because it really did change the course of my life. But I know that as monumental as the birth of my brother is, it isn't the only significant day in my 28 years.

Then I realized that I was just plain scared to look back. In the way that a scar reminds you of a time when you were in pain, the way that a fragrance reminds you of an old love; thinking about those things would undoubtedly make me rehash those feelings.

I had to remind myself that significant does not equate painful. And cowering is far worse than rehashing. I hope my honesty will inspire others in the way Running Mom's inspired me. In chronological order of events, I present my cheers, tears, and jeers;

1. The 1st birthday of Dorchester's Daughters lil bro. It was literally the exact moment in my life that I realized the world did not revolve around me. I remember every emotion I felt as a six year old kid on the outside of everything looking in. My memory may be slightly distorted but I don't even think anyone came said hi to me, don't remember being fed. Nothing but the complete loneliness of no longer being adored. It sounds vein, I know it does. But to go from the world is your oyster to not even being an after thought at such a young age?...that is a bitter pill to swallow.

2.The day my mom kicked me out of the house. To understand the magnitude of this you need to understand that I was not an unruly teenager. I was 18 years old, had just graduated high school and was about to start a new job. I was saving money to go off to college in a few short months. I had had a good (not great) report cards, I had always done what I was told. The adventures in my teenage years were that of any average teen. So when I returned home from spending the weekend at my friend's house to find my belongings packed, it was nothing short of alarming. And to make matters worse, she'd moved all my brother's things into my room. There was no explanation, no accusations, nothing. Just "you don't live here anymore, nobody wants you here".

3. Bradford College closing. I was a freshman. I had no idea what I wanted to be or where my life was headed since I was estranged from my mother. The day before we left for Thanksgiving break they invited the entire campus to the theater to announce that the college was closing. To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement. No home, no school, no nothing. I could not fathom anyone's luck being worse than my own. In fact, I apologized to my friends and told them it was my fault. I said this is something that would only happen to me and I had hurt them all in the process.

4. Returning to/graduating from a 4 year college. After Bradford closed I was lost. I'd applied for transfers to a few different schools but honestly had no intention of going back. But, with the encouragement of an old high school teacher, I took a semester off to clear my thoughts and gave college another try. In 2004 , I crossed the stage wearing the biggest grin my face had seen in years. It was about more than the degree; it was my first real feeling of accomplishment, and a true sense of triumph over adversity.

5. The day I met KB. Whether we are together forever or it ends tomorrow, this relationship has been the biggest challenge of dating life. I have had a series of superficial experiences with men. There has been no depth, no real sense of commitment until now. It is an existence that has forced me to look at myself and examine who I am and the kind of girlfriend, wife, and mother I want to be.

6. The loss of my baby. I cannot expound at this time, this is still a very open wound for me but I hope to be able to talk about it openly one day.

7. "Breaking up" with a friend. Ironically, this was a friend who I'd kept at bay for various reasons. We met in college and though we shared some great times together, something in me never fully trusted this girl. We remaned fairly close for 5 years and one day she lost her ever-loving mind. I won't go into detail. Let's just say she came out of her face and ties were severed. My outlook on instinct is forever changed because of this relationship. Never second guess a gut feeling.

8. The last time I saw my father. After my parents broke up my father became a part time figure in the lives of my brother and I. I'd always felt closer to him than my mom, even though over the years, he'd put in less and less quality time. The very last time we saw him, we'd heard that he'd had a stroke and was/is very sick. We went to visit him a few days later. Seeing the man that had so many comings and goings in my life morphed into a man who needed help to hold a spoon, broke something in me.

9. The day I decided to actively pursue publishing. Not only will publishing bring my writing to the forefront, but it will highlight the writing of my peers.

10. Today. Admitting the impact of these moments has given me an amorous outlook on my life. These are the moments make me.

Friday Fuck You; Writer's Block

2008-11-21T10:21:00.002-05:00

The Friday Fuck You has returned after a one week hiatus!

As I mentioned, I have hit a little bit of a road block with my writing. I have very little inspiration to write about anything these days. Even though I have ideas, I just can't seem to get them out...and that leads to lulls in posts. I promised my readers three posts per week and sometimes I can't even think of three sentences. But my promises, like the circle, will be unbroken!

Fuck You. Writer's Block can kick rocks with jellies on!

I am going to bang out three per week even if I gotta ramble about people who annoy me at work, lol. Believe me, I have enough of those stories to get me through all of 09! Stay tuned!

It Was All a Dream

2008-11-20T21:53:00.000-05:00

Ever since I was a kid, I have had recurring dreams. These vivid stories vary in the onset of the dream sequence but take on the same ending. As a kid, the ending was always hearing the doorbell walking to it and just as I was about to open it I was viciously attacked.

In my adolescence (and even sometimes now) the ending would harp on my fears of water and have me walk over a bridge suspended above a big body of water. I always make it to the other side but literally by the skin of my teeth (why do people say that?).

My most recent recurring dream is almost a nightmare. Just as scary as the other two but with a serene aura about it;

It always starts out at a family gathering in a park. Sort of like the part of Poetic Justice where they crash a family reunion. I take this baby across the street to do something (this part usually varies); and when we get across the street it starts raining. I take her and stand under a tree. While I am sheltering her, there is an earthquake. I hold her closer to me because there is disaster around us. Things are falling on people, they are falling. All kinds of mess. She is very calm through the whole thing. A guy gets hurt in front of us and I try to distract him by talking to him as he lays and waits for help. He asks the baby's name and I tell him "Angelica", he says it means "angel" in his language (appears to be Italian or something) and that she is protecting me from the pain. Then he gets washed away in the floods from the rain and earthquakes.

The verdict is still out on what it all means. I have taken a few cues from a dream interpretation site that I use frequently. See the analysis below;

To dream of an earthquake, suggests that you are experiencing a major "shake-up" that is threatening your stability and foundation. The dream highlights you insecurity, fears and sense of helplessness. If you find cover from the quake, you will overcome these challenges.

To dream that you get wet from the rain, signifies that you will soon be cleansed from your troubles and problems. Rain also symbolizes fertility and renewal.

If You Liked It Then You Shoulda Put A Ring On It

2008-11-19T12:19:00.001-05:00

That's what I was singing, Sunday afternoon while I doing the prep work for dinner that evening. KB looked at my curiously for a few minutes before mustering the nerve to finally ask "why do you like that song so much?".

I had no answer. None that I could explain to him anyway!

The source of his curiosity was obvious. I have no ring on my finger, I am not technically single. He is obviously wondering why I figure I can relate. After all, any song a girl sings with such vigor...she can surely relate.

And I do. I, like thousands of other women, relish in the thought of flaunting my new ish in an old flame's face. We need to be able to prove we can survive without you, prove that we can be happier without you than we ever were with you. Whether it be a better body, a new swag, or in my case the replacement who I am halfway down the aisle with. So, no, there's no ring on it, but the sentiment is still there;

"You had your turn

but now you gonna learn

what it really feels to miss me.

Cuz If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

Don’t be mad once you see that he want it"

Simple as that! All my single ladies, put your hands up!

Man Listen....

2008-11-18T14:30:00.003-05:00

Guys I have no excuse. There was no F-You for Friday, no weekend anecdotal, nothing I've noticed. I got nothing folks. I am coming down off my Obama high and reality bites. What more can I say?

I'm

I still love ya though. Stay tuned. I promise I'll come back fresh. I am in the midst of reading Dreams of My Father...by the time I am done, I'll have all kinds of inspiration.

Friday Fuck You; Immune Difficiency

2008-11-07T13:18:00.000-05:00

I've been sick. I had something in close proximity to the flu (though I had my flu shot) last week. Hence the late Friday post. I know, I know...you missed me.

In order to fight off the bug, I tried something a little different. Instead of taking cold medicine, I purchased vitamins that are known for boosting the immune system. I've been pumping my body full of Vitamin C, Cod Liver Oil, and Green Tea supplements. I figured rather than medicate the problem, I could just as easily strengthen the system that fights these viruses in the first place...hoping that will prevent it from happening again anytime soon. I gotta tell ya, with the supplements it's been a lot easier. It's been less than five days and most of my symptoms are gone.

I literally feel stronger; and it got me to thinking. This feeling. This strength, is what the Obama presidency has given us. Yes, I did go there!

Fuck You. I am immune to "the man"!

It is not because our president is minority that we are encouraged. It is because he is capable, because he is intelligent, because he has the potential to do great things. It was not a Affirmative Action, not a handout, not luck, not consolation that helped him win the election. It was his optimism, integrity, strength, and determination. And it didn't hurt that his immune system is strong. Stronger than many of his minority counterparts, because unlike him we have grown accustomed to standing in our own way.

There are implications that somehow the Obama win has erased racism in America. It hasn't. America is, and frankly always will be, a divided country. The new president cannot change that, just as he cannot change the damage that has already been done. What his win means is more accurately defined as is a boost in our immune system. There will continue to be prejudices, injustice, discrimination, and a host of other barriers. But we can fight that off! Because of what Barack has accomplished, we can break through those barriers, jump over those hurdles, and see past those obstacles. Yes the bar is set twice as high, but we can climb three times as far. Yes, we can.

Yes We Can

2008-11-05T11:00:00.001-05:00

I give credit to any writer who can formulate the words that describe how monumental today is. I have been searching for the right ones since last night (and I am rarely speechless).

Throughout this campaign I have heard "Yes We Can" so many times; and tiny voice deep down in my spirit that asked the question "Can we?" in response. I didn't believe it with a whole heart.

I hadn't ever dreamed that big, aspired that far. But he did.

I remember being in elementary school and getting that ruler. Remember? The one that had all the presidents on it? I'd look at it every time I used it, and not once did it occur to me that any other face could join the elite group. Never even crossed my mind. But he thought about it.

I remember the jokes about Bill Clinton being the first black president. I thought he'd be the only. But he didn't.

For him possibilities were endless, because he never set boundaries as to how far he could go. There was no finish line in his eyes. That is what made the difference. That is how he earned the title, President Elect Barack Obama.

Now every single minority in America can dream a little bigger. Strive a little further. It's almost like being given a key to a door that has been locked for hundreds of years, an age old secret revealed, a missing puzzle piece. It is all of that- and more- encompassed by three simple words. Yes. We. Can.

Everybody Has a Story

2008-11-03T11:53:00.004-05:00

I watched an Oprah episode years ago that still resonates with my heart. It was about the assumptions we make about people and how we are often wrong in our prejudgment. Everyone one has a story; you can not judge a book by it's cover because you will almost always be wrong about its content.

Though the episode was enlightening, being human I still make that mistake. I say things like "That's just [insert name of friend whose behavior is typical of them] and never second guess what causes them to be that way. But everytime the true reveals itself, my heart sinks and I am reminded that this person I dismissed is the way he/she is for a real reason.

I have a friend who has always been eccentric. We've always loved this person for their quirks but would dismiss their behavior as though it was in their nature. Recently, I found out it is deeper than that; this behavior is more biological than characteristic. I have been grieving for a few days now, because I am guilt-ridden. For everytime I laughed at a joke that poked fun, for everytime I shook my head, rolled my eyes, or sighed, for everytime I was impatient; I am deeply sorry. I am even a bit ashamed.

It all makes sense now. And, ironically, it shouldn't have to. Learning that someone has a troubled past or a mental disorder does not excuse YOUR behavior. Whether or not that detail was disclosed, that person should not have been mistreated in the first place. As a person, one should accept and love others without regard to perception.

I thought I learned a lot from the episode of Oprah. Maybe I did not learn enough.

Friday Fuck You-Denial

2008-10-31T09:57:00.002-04:00

Yes, Denial. I am so sick and damn tired of people who refused to acknowledge defeat. I am all for resilience but sometimes you just have to claim your loses. Suck it up, move on, LET. IT. GO.

Fuck You, Denial. When it's over, it's over.

Early Tuesday morning I was watching the news as I prepared for my workday. The headlining story was about Diane Wilkerson, the State Senator for the region of Boston I grew up in. Why did she make the news this time? Sure as hell wasn't her re-election campaign! It appears she allegedly accepted eight bribes worth just over $23k in an undercover FBI operation. There are pictures plastering the television and Internet of this woman BODLY taking what appears to be cash incentives into her possession. One series in particular depicting her placing something into her bra. All photos were taken at a restaurant directly across the street from the State House (i.e. her job)

As the story unfolds, I have decided I will remain diplomatic. I am not going to make any assumptions or any conclusions. These are images I have seen via tv and Internet. I listened to her side of things on the radio this morning (or what she is allowed to say) and she confident that the truth will come to light. I was not there, I cannot account for anyone's actions but my own. I will say this though, it IS time to let go. Whether or not it is what it appears to be, one thing is clear. She has been backed into a corner, and will not accept defeat. She is trying to come back from a TKO right now.

In short, she is fighting a losing battle and denial is not going to help her win. Hold your head high, laugh it off, do what you have to to restore your pride. But please! Please let it go

The Kabalarian Philosophy

2008-10-30T11:50:00.002-04:00

What's in a name? For those who study Kabala a name is directly connected to who you are as an individual. To quote their view on the signifigance;

Your name is extremely important. Your name is your life!

It is how you identify yourself.

It is how others identify you.

The more insight you have into the powerful influence of your name,

the greater opportunity to enjoy the success you are capable of achieving.

This web site will show you there is more to names and their meanings.

I learned that my own first name says this about me;

Your first name has given you inspirational, idealistic, and dramatic qualities.
You have a clever, deep mind and the talent to excel in highly inspirational lines of endeavour as a dramatist, musician, writer, or artist.
You can be lifted by beauty in all forms and are at the most creative when inspired.
Your expressive, affectionate nature responds quickly through your feelings, but you must guard against being possessive and jealous.

Now I realize very few of you actually know me, but that is ME! To find out what your own name says about you click here

Imposter Syndrome-Part Deux

2008-10-28T16:38:00.002-04:00

In a previous post, I discovered that I might be suffering from Imposter Syndrome. Since then I have tried to maintain an accurate assessment of my strengths and short comings.

Until today.

Today was my slightly overdue performance appraisal at work. I've been employed here just over a year so essentially I knew it was coming. What I did not foresee was the flattery parade. My supervisor has already discussed my weakness with me (double checking my work- as I am sure the reader's have noticed in my grammatical errors), so the meeting ended up being about all my strong suits. In a nutshell he told me that it is obvious that what I am doing is not something I should be doing long term. In fact, he said that if I am still in this position a year from now he will fire me. Yes, those were his words..."I will fire you". Ouch!

Naturally, I was taken aback by all this praise. These are not the kind of things I hear about me on a daily basis. What it made me realize more than anything is that I have a tendency to sell myself short. Imposter Syndrome or not, I should be reminded that I am a phenomenal woman. And my supervisor shouldn't be the one to remind me...I should!

Return to the Scene of the Crime

2008-10-27T14:42:00.002-04:00

...that crime being sexual harassment.

When I started my job over a little over a year ago, the others decided to dump the task of going to the mailroom on me. I was the little guy on the totum pole so I didn't mind a little rookie hazing. What I did mind was the octogenarian in the male room who was inappropriately huggy!

I am not a naive woman; I know I have two rather large distractions on my upper torso. I fully expect that people (male and female-gay and straight) will seldom look me in the eye when they are speaking to me. But homeboy is a perve-albeit it a SpEd, senior citizen, perve- a perve no less. He'd do this not-so-subtle hug where he'd get me from the side and stares down at them. And he's a tiny thing, only up to my damn nostrils, the twins are at eye level. I am getting the chills thinking about it.

I was always uncomfortable asking the other girls if they'd noticed it...if they'd felt violated. I couldn't even form the words. But I felt that something must have caused them to pass the job off so quickly.

After I got my promotion, the task went to the new rookie. He was male so passing along the job didn't bother me. Fast forward through a faulty economy, a bit of organizational downsizing, and a hiring freeze and it becomes my job to make the mail run. Yet again.

I tip-toed down there quieter than a church mouse. Don't you know his sneaky pervy self caught me JUST as I was about to make my escape?! Holding one final piece of our department's mail. I tried to take it out of his hand while keeping a respectable difference...but NO!...maneuvered himself right next to the breast. He's a slippery one, slick as hell for a geezer!

Yall, I have no idea what to do. He is old, so I can't cuff him one. I really don't want to complain because again..he is old. If you are in your 80's and still working obviously you need an income-especially in this economy. The problem is, with a hiring freeze, there won't be anyone to take over any time soon. I'd be subjecting myself to his pervy ways until further notice. Can't do it. Cannot.

Should I talk to Employee Relations?

Friday Fuck You; Insomnia

2008-10-24T11:16:00.004-04:00

For years I have had problems getting a full night's sleep. On a good night I sleep four consecutive hours, wake up, and nap periodically until it is finally time to get up. Yes, a good night. Any other time I sleep three to four hours and wake up. There's no napping, just a lot of late night programming on tv. They say "the freaks come out at night" for a reason. Late night tv is CRAZY

But I digress. I hadn't realized it was unnatural until recently when oh-wise-one himself (KB, for those who have not yet caught on to the fact that my boyfriend is somehow an expert on everything) declared me as an insomniac. Either way, what is important is that I need sleep. ASAP.

To Insomnia I say; Fuck You. Nighty night, I will sleep tight!

I spent a few minutes online researching natural remedies for insomnia. I refuse to take medication for this because the horror stories are far worse than a lil lack of sleep. Because I love you guys-my poor sleepless lovies- I've listed some of those natural remedies below;

Sleeping on your back relieves the pressure on your organs. It is easier to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Drink Chamomile tea
Do nothing stimulating right before bed; no listening to hardcore rap or rock. All that headbangin is not good for the weary. Also avoid foods and beverages with caffeine.
Try being more physically active during the day
Take a warm bath
(and my favorite) Have sex.

Seperate But Equal

2008-10-22T11:04:00.001-04:00

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou

I have a vivid image of my grandmother branded in my conscious. The image of a woman who worked 8-12 hour days, came home, cooked, washed clothes, and kept her home. It was not because there was no husband, but because that husband had no role. He was neither the breadwinner nor the homemaker.

My grandmother supported her husband in every sense of the word*. And when you talk to her today she is tired...rightly so.

Maybe that picture is one of the many items, in my emotional baggage, that makes it such a heavy load. It is tied to feelings that have not yet been laid to rest; feelings of resentment I had toward my grandfather as a child. Resentment that today manifests itself in my own relationship. It is likely reason I give KB the side eye when he wakes up before me but asks me to help him get ready for the day, preparing his clothes and lunch. Or the source of my wrinkled brow when he digs into a laundry bag full of clean clothes and asks "can you put these away"? It could be the cause of confusion when I am asked to prepare a dinner plate for the man who cooked the meal in the first place.

It's not that I cannot do these things or that I am unwilling to. It is the mere fact that it is expected of me - as it was expected of my grandmother- because I am (we are) female. If I were at home all day and my man was bringing home the bacon...by all means I'd do it all with a smile. At the same token, I would think if he was home all day, he'd do the housework. I am not home all day. I work just like he works and when I come home, I expect the same things. Unfortunately, expectation without action leads to nothing but sour faces.

I do not want to resent my man. My grandmother has had a long stressful journey in companionship, and that is a road I would rather not follow. All I ask is that at the end of the day, I can come home to a man who has but a separate but equal amount of work into running our household. I can work with compromise! What I cannot work with is a man who has been there for hours, at the kitchen table, waiting for dinner (i.e. the grandpas of the world). That is not a picture I wanted painted for our future little ones; after all, they will never forget how we made them feel.

*My grandfather had a work related injury that caused him to go on disability. He was not, however, disabled. He was physically able and could have gotten a desk job or helped out around the house.

Jockin My Fresh

2008-10-20T15:41:00.006-04:00

DD, has been on a shopping hiatus for about 3 weeks now. Oh, you got jokes? I'll have you know, I have not walked to the Holy Grail that is Downtown Boston and bought a single solitary item in three damn weeks. I have been at my job 14 months and have yet to stop shopping three weeks straight. That there is an accomplishment folks!

But this isn't about that! In lieu of shopping I have challenged myself to putting together outfits that I have not worn yet. Pairing a shirt with a skirt and blazer combo that has not been done, etc. It has been going very well. In fact, KB ambushed me on Friday night because he could not get over how phenomenal your girl looked!

And it seems KB isn't the only one that noticed. A co-worker who sits in the cubical next to mine has taken serious notice. It started with a compliment here and there, then graduated to a "wow, that is so pretty, where'd you get it?". Now she is straight up bold with it... wants me to detail the retailer of each garment I am wearing!

Initially, it made for good conversation, Lord knows we had little in common before fashion came up. Eh ehem... now I am a bit concerned. I quit this thing cold turkey and I've enjoyed finding new ways to appreciate the things I already own. But I feel like the extra attention and constant retail talks are going to lead to shopping! It is almost as bad as discussing drink recipes with a recovering alcoholic; eventually it will lead to a barhopping.

I cannot go backwards! Is there a polite way to say 'stop jockin my fresh'?...Jay wasn't very polite when he said it: "I can't teach you my swagg. You can pay for school but you can't buy class"

It's Funny...

2008-10-17T20:58:00.006-04:00

I tell my cousin to be careful of the words she speaks. When she says she is going to fall, she falls. When she says she thinks she is coming down with something, she is flu-stricken. Time and time again, I've told her to watch what she says...maybe I should take my own advice.

KB has a thing for these two women;
Now they are gorgeous, don't get me wrong. Two beautiful minority women! But because it is KB, I always got jokes. What do they have in common? They both have a lazy eye! It is too easy, I have to poke fun.

"why you pick the two only women in Hollywood with a lazy eye? Is that your thing? Not a big butt, not a coke bottle body, not long legs, you have a thing for a lady with a lazy eye". And I would go hard with it too.

So imagine the irony when I went to the eye doctor today and she explained to me why my left eye is so weak. Turns out I have Keratoconus, which she then went onto say is commonly known as a...yeah...a freakin lazy eye! WTH?!

I mean obviously it isn't as bad as it could be. I mean it is a lazy eye not a wandering eye. But how messed up is it that I have been chucklin for the past few years over this and it's true! He really does have a thing for a lazy eyed lazy. Yall, if it wasn't me I'd think this is hysterical!

Ms. S, I tell you all the time, it is amazing what words can do.

Friday Fuck You; The Estranged

2008-10-17T11:22:00.005-04:00

I gotta tell ya, I am digging the one fuck you per week. A detailed "fuck you" speaks volumes! As always you are welcome to add your own in the comments section.

By Roget's dictionary definition, to estrange means to destroy the affections of. Today, I want to address the estranged folks. Those who I am no longer in touch with because they have destroy all the affection I had for them in my heart. Be it a an ex, a former friend, colleague, or associate...the sentiment is the same;

Fuck You. I am better without you in my life. Bishop T.D. Jakes said "People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story "

With the release of the movie Secret Lives of Bees, I have a constant reminder of an estranged friend. A few years ago we read that very book together and it was an awesome story. I cannot wait to see this movie! But while I anticipate watching the vivid storyline unfold on the big screen, I am saddened by the reminder of that lost friendship.

Yes, I might be a lil nostalgic hear or there. But I honestly do not regret the demise of the friendship. I would not change a single thing about how or why it ended. I know crazy when I see it, and crazy was all up in her aura those last few months. I mean, calling me at 5:00 am on Saturday morning to ask me if I've been talking to her man on the phone. Mind you , lovies, this is a man who I have literally only said hi to the entire two years they dated. And let's not even revisit the 5:00 am Saturday morning call! Yeah, crazy.

As bittersweet as it may be, you've got to let go. And even if it means you are the only friend you have,-after they've destroyed your affections- you are the only friend you'll need. You are STILL better without them in your life.

The Adventures of Robin Hood and Joe-The Plumber

2008-10-16T10:04:00.003-04:00

Last night, Joe- The Plumber somehow became the poster child for the American Dream. He is a man just a few short steps away from entrepreneurship. And in a comparison of very different tax plans from our presidential candidates, Joe dream will either come to fruition of become a dream deferred.

The ultimate goal of every American is success. That is what my family-and millions of others- migrated to this country for. Joe, a plumber in Ohio, has taking the initial steps to realize his dream. He would like to own the plumbing company he has dedicated himself to for the past 10+ years. According to Senator McCain, under the McCain administration Joe can buy the plumbing business and live happily ever after. But McCain is adamant that under the Obama administration, Joe's dream will be stifled. Obama is playing Robin Hood, robbing the rich of $5 in taxes and giving it to those who make under $250K. Sadly, Joe will not be unable to afford to take over the business because of the tax increase in the Obama plan.

Let's dissect Obama's tax plan, shall we? If earnings above $250k will be taxed 39% (instead of 36%), and Joe-The Plumber makes $350k, he would pay $39k instead of $36k in taxes on that $100k. Essentially he's paying $3000 more per $100k that he makes above $250k. How is this going to prevent him from buying the business??

I started my own business this year. I will be the first to tell Joe-The Plumber...that extra $3k in taxes he is paying is the LEAST of his concerns. There are so many hoops and hurdles, it is exhausting. If all I had to do was give up $3k in taxes, I would have done this a long time ago. Is he serious?

There is sacrifice in pursuing the American Dream, Joe, McCain, and Republican America. That dream is realized for some people earlier than others, but it is important that it is at least a possibility in the mind's eye for all. So if taking 3% from one to give to another makes Obama Robin Hood himself...I'll go out and buy him that green outfit. He already has the ears!

Emailing While Distracted

2008-10-15T15:37:00.006-04:00

Everyday KB and I email each other periodic randomness. There is no real purpose to our back and forth. It is not as though we are in need of a daily check in; Since his recent graduation we commute together in the morning and are home at a relatively decent hour each night. No matter the reason for it, the bantor gets us through the work day. Sometimes we email each other naughty, er, I mean sweet nothings... others they are one liners from movies. We complain about co-workers, remind each other about chores and plans. You know, couple crap!

In person, KB can be a very wordy...eh, long winded(?) person. Ok, translation- the boy can CHAT! But via email, I have noticed that every once in a while, no matter what I've written, his response is "ok!". Even when the original message is not something that would require an ok for a response. As in "is the moon gonna fall out of the sky this evening?", "ok" unrelated. I should also mention that the ok is followed by a more logical response 10 or so minutes later.

At times I am offended, though I do not mention it. I figure he is busy and cannot respond accordingly just yet. (I personally would just omit the "ok" and wait until I can commit to a complete sentence but hey...that's just me).

Today I decided to test the theory. Is he emailing while distracted?

From: Dorchester's Daughter [mailto:DD@noneofyourconcern.org] Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:25 PMTo: KB
Subject: Get in My Belly

can we get beef fried rice for dinner?

-----Original Message-----From: KB [mailto:KB@wouldntyouliketoknow.com]Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:22 PMTo: Dorchester's Daughter
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly

Ok!

From: Dorchester's Daughter [mailto:DD@noneofyourconcern.org] Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:30 PMTo: KB
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly

can I jump off the balcony at home?

-----Original Message-----From: KB [mailto:KB@wouldntyouliketoknow.com]Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:34 PMTo: Dorchester's Daughter
Subject: RE: Get In My Belly

No! Are you goin crazy?

From: Dorchester's Daughter[mailto:DD@noneofyourconcern.org] Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:37 PMTo: KB
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly

no, I just wanted to see if you actually read what I write or just tell me "ok"

-----Original Message-----From: KB [mailto:KB@wouldntyouliketoknow.com]Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:42 PMTo: Dorchester's Daughter
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly

You don’t have nothing named sense in your head! crazy girl lol

Friday Fuck You; Outside Agitators

2008-10-10T16:51:00.001-04:00

Again this week, I do not have a list of Fuck Yous. Instead I have one centralized topic I would like to address...a "tell 'em why you mad" moment, if you will. More and more I am being asked the question "when are you getting married?" It makes my skin crawl.

I want to qualify this by mentioning that the question comes in many forms from sincerity to vulgarity. I've heard everything from "Is he ever gonna put a ring on your finger?" to "wow DD! Three years is a long time for you. I remember when dudes didn't last three months! He must be special, whens the wedding?"

Now obviously the latter is not the problem. That's a sincere question from a friend who has been by my side through the dating blunders. This comes from the friend, cousin, brother from another mother, who could write my tell all book.

It is the first heffa, the one whose inappropriateness makes me want to tell her about herself and literally break it down brick by brick. To her I would like to say...

Fuck You. There are only two people in my relationship, myself and KB.

Wait...I want to reiterate that. I might not have been clear the first time. Eh ehem (clear my throat so I can make sure we all understand)!

FUCK YOU. There are only two people in my relationship, myself and KB.

That conversation is reserved for members only. Together we will decide when the time is right for us. We will choose a date, a time, a theme and color scheme, a menu, and a guest list (gasp) without your insight or approval.

Nothing about an engagement or wedding involves the outside agitator. There is a reason for that. The day after the wedding is what? The MARRIAGE...and guess who just promised to love honor and obey (note to self; we may have to omit that obey shit) in that marriage? You guess it, those TWO people.

Whether we marry tomorrow, Tuesday, two years from now, or never, that is a decision that will only impact us. In the event that you receive an invitation to a wedding with our gubment names at the top left...surprise! That will give you the when and the where. Until then let's adapt that military policy "Don't Ask Don't Tell".

Investing for Dummies;The 401-Keg

2008-10-09T10:41:00.003-04:00

Through a forwarded email, I think I may have found the secret to investing in today's market. Like to here it, her it go.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

Lovies, go forth and party hard!

A Few Follow Ups

2008-10-07T10:19:00.006-04:00

Hey Lovies!

I realized this morning that I tend to rant a lot. Ok well, no, I am not JUST realizing that. But what I mean is I write about all my frustrations, curiosities, etc and never really give you guys an update.

I know you guys are wondering...what did I wear to that wedding? have I cursed out the benefits team at work yet? did I stop buying the 100 Calorie packs? have KB and I broken up for good? how do I feel about the way Barack is portrayed in the media now?

I will dedicate today's post to all those questions. It's like catching up with an old friend. Or worst case scenario, like one of those Maury "where are they now?" episodes.

In Being That Girl I was debating whether or not to return a dress that hugged my thighs a bit too closely. I did end up returning the dress. Couldn't bear with the constant reminder that I am too curvy for most of today's chic feminine looks.

What ever happened to Preserving My Sexy? Damned if I know, lol. I still care, still want the same things...just. haven't. been. motivated.

In Co-Worker vs Friend I wrote about the distinction between the two. Well, that was a while back and I am glad I keep the two separate. I work with some grimy individuals that will throw you under a bus even when their livelihood is not dependant on your fall from grace. Pathetic really.

I did wear the shoe from the Mean Shoe Game post. I held out for about 3 hours, before transitioning to flip flops. I was fierce though! FIERCE!

And as for Michelle and Barack. They are still my heroes and STILL grossly undervalued in America. A strong African American family should be praised not scrutinized.

Did I forget anything lovies? Or is there anything random you'd like to hear in future posts? As always I encourage you to comment.

Friday Fuck You-Healthcare

2008-10-03T13:58:00.003-04:00

In this special edition of Friday Fuck You, I am going to focus on one issue where I'd like to proclaim my new Friday mantra.

Fuck You. I will STILL be seen at an outside health care facility.

Confused? Let me clarify. My daytime hustle is at a hospital in Boston (for obvious reasons the facility shall remain nameless). The way our health insurance works is that we pay deductibles- for day surgeries etc- if we are seen at any other facility. So when I had a cyst this past July, I was seen in house. They drained the cyst and sent me on my merry way, assuring me that I would be the picture of health in a few short days.

Now imagine my surprise this week Monday, when I started to feel a twinge of pain. Imagine the awe on Wednesday night when I couldn't sleep because the pain had become excruciating. Imagine the look of disgust on my face when I went to my pcp and was told that the cyst resurfaced and would have to be drained YET AGAIN.

Reluctantly, I took heed to her warning and saw a surgeon. The pain was so unbearable that I opted to do it at the same facility where I see my pcp. He told me without a doubt, it would continue to recur unless I have surgery to remove all the infected tissue. Essentially saying that I was lied to by the Resident at my place of employment (and something told me to write down that fool's name!) What the craze?

Can you quite grasp how insanely furious I am? All of the pain I have gone through this week could have very well been avoided if that simpleton informed me of this the first time around. I mean, I will have to be CUT OPEN A THIRD TIME IN THE SAME SPOT. Why wouldn't he have known that as a medical professional?

You feel me?

So while the recession requires me to remain employed there (yes I am that mad), I will no longer receive my health care there.

Am I the only one that noticed?

2008-10-02T09:45:00.001-04:00

So I've mentioned before that I am a bit of a pop culture junkie. Oddly enoughI don't have very many friends who share my pop culture interests, which means I don't have very many people to share the things that make me say hmm with. Well lovies, that is where you come in. I figured I'd throw a few things out there...you tell me...am I the only one that noticed?

Who exactly is the audience for the Wu Tang documentary? Seriously, who is going to own that on dvd?
Did Jennifer Hudson really dump her longtime boyfriend for Punk from I Love New York?
Are Diddy and Ashton Kutcher still BFFs?
Will Terrance and Rocsi meet the same demise as Free and AJ?
How SPOT ON is Tina Fey's Sarah Palin impression?
What's with Brandy's eyelashes?
After 12 years, why am I only now hearing about this Urban World Film Festival? And next year can I be down?
How many singles from Papertrail has T.I. released? Is it safe to say we've pretty much heard all it has to offer?
Am I the only one who would like to be on Rev Run's Words of Wisdom emailing list?
Is Reggie Bush actually serious about Kim Kardashian? And are they officially more annoying than Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson? Think they hang out?

Feel free to chime in. If you have answers, let a sista know. If you have questions of your own throw then out there!

Is it over yet?

2008-10-01T20:31:00.004-04:00

I have less than 4 hours remaining in one of the worst days I have had this year. Peeps, I know I can be dramatic but I swear I am staying up until midnight tonight just to see this day off! My goodness!

For starters I didn't sleep well. The health issue I have a few months back, seems to be returning and it makes for some sleepless nights. So naturally I woke up cranky...well KB woke me up which I thought everyone knew was a no-no. You do not wake me unless my life is in danger. You'd think after three years together (two of which in co-habitation) he'd know this. But no. His happy ass proceeded, hmph! Didn't even proceed with caution!

So naturally, I was more angry than usual. But did it stop there? NO!

The powers that be did not fail to test my patience! I am talking; a six hour fight with KB, issues at work, a package I ordered arrived with the wrong contents. Not stop bullshit yall! I cannot tell you how many times today I have said to myself "i have to blog about this". It is to the point that I am too drained to detail every story.

I did need to get it off my chest though. I am still mad! I need to woosah, just...just .... woosah!

The "skinny"in Skinny Jeans

2008-09-29T11:45:00.000-04:00

Not only am I a blogger, I frequent a lot of the other blogs out there. My fav? The personal style ones; you know the trendy-wardrobe-on-a-budget/this-is-my-cute-outfit-and-this-is-where-I-bought-each-individual-item type.

In my recent blog surfing binges I noticed a bit of a pattern. The phrase "skinny jeans are for skinny girls" is a recurring theme among most-if not all. Now I adore my fellow fashionistas but I respectfully disagree. And it's not just me being sensitive; I have not been "skinny" in about 6 years but you best believe I rocks my curves! And I own a pair, as a matter of fact I just ordered another pair a few days ago.

See, I believe personal style is about fit and confidence. I have seen some daring outfits, but when something fits well and you are rockin it like no one else...it just makes sense. So in that respect no, not every trend is for everyone. But looking good in skinny jeans is more about the looking good than the skinny.

I knew there would be haters when it came to this topic, so I did a little investigating. The video below schools us all (particularly us thick girls) on how to shop for the right pair. Take it away Toccara, girl!

Friday Fuck You

2008-09-26T14:07:00.003-04:00

Fuck You. I am not done celebrating. Yes I am still going out tonight, IN THE RAIN!
Fuck You. I did cut my hair. Yes, it was long/thick/pretty/whatever compliment people pay you before they politely tell you what they really think of your new do. And now it is gone. It is my head...get over it!
Fuck You. I am going to cut it again when I decide I am done with this hair cut!
Fuck You. It is true, I am NEVER satisfied. That is why I continue to strive for better. Complacence is not in me, deal with it.
Fuck You. It's true, "Boston girls do it better"
Fuck You. Tyler Perry hates black women. Yeah, I said it! Even though the majority of his fortune came from the black woman's pocket he consistently portrays us in a negative light in his plays and movies.
Fuck You. I am 28 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up!

Stretch Those Dollars

2008-09-23T12:44:00.002-04:00

Now this is a far cry from a financial planning blog, but I felt I should address the topic anyway. The slump in the economy has hurt us all in some way shape or form. I've been getting a little nervous myself because KB and weren't exactly ballin' in the first place. IN my quest for some sound financial advice, I found the following tips I wanted to share with my readers. The entire article can be found here.

Set up and start following a family household budget. Your budget should include all your major expenses (mortgage, car payments, credit card payments, etc).

Go over your budget (aforementioned in step 1 above) and determine which of your non-essential activities you can either cut down on or eliminate.

For one week keep track of every penny you spend during the day. The vast majority of Americans haven't a clue as to how much real money actually flows through their hands every month or how much control over their money they really have.

Start your own campaign to use energy and resources more wisely. It's no longer about being green - now it's all about saving money! You can take a huge bite out of your electric bill by changing the way you use your air conditioner without really changing your lifestyle.

Do everything possible to eliminate credit card debt as fast as possible. The average family has way too much and most people never fully realize how much it actually costs to use credit instead of paying cash.

Become a coupon Queen (or King). Coupons are here again and you don't even have to clip them! You simply go to a site like http://www.CoolSavings.com/couponsite , find the coupons you're interested in, print them out and take them with you when you go shopping.

Granted, this is just common sense for a few of you. But if it isn't and you truly are looking for a little guidance, I hope this information helps keep those dollars in your pockets.

Friday Fuck You

2008-09-19T11:00:00.000-04:00

Yes, ladies and gents...this is the second installment of the Friday Fuck You. I know you guys were a lil shy last week but I expect to see some good ones from here on out. I cannot be the only one putting my grievances out there. I feel naked, lol

1. Fuck You. I am 28 today. And since fall starts on the 21st I am technically a summer baby!

2. Fuck You. Before I officially begin my work day, I must check my email and my blog reader. Who gets right to work at 8:30?

3. Fuck You. Hip Hop is dead. "Marco Polo" are we serious? Soldja Boy is the hip hop kryptonite!
4. Fuck You. Derwin and Melanie belong together and thank God The Game returns Oct. 3rd.
5. Fuck You. I am not the only one who is terrified by the idea of President McCain and Vice President Palin.
6. Fuck You. I still read Cosmo. And sometimes I try the tricks! *wink
7. Fuck You. You can take my entrepreneurial endeavors as a joke. Just don't ask me for a free book when you see everyone reading one of my releases.

Luxaholic:The Finer Things

2008-09-16T18:19:00.002-04:00

Contrary to what my readers might believe...the finer things to me are not the things I purchase on my shopping binges. They aren't found in my Coach collection (although technically I didn't purchase any of those things myself), it's not any of the gadgets I own, not a single pair of the many shoes in my closet. The finer things to me are so much more simple.

The finer things are thoughtful. They are the little things that let you know someone was thinking of you. Like opening my mailbox after a hard day's work and finding a birthday card from a co-worker. This is a girl, I know through my aunt. In fact I've only hung out with her twice outside the workplace. Yet she remembered I have a birthday coming. Beyond that she took the time to buy me a card and get a hold of my address. How amazing does that feel?

I am a Luxaholic but I don't impose my preference for those things on others. It really is the thought that counts...just a little something to say "hey, I was thinking about you". That's all I ever ask!

I Love Your Blog!

2008-09-14T14:33:00.003-04:00

I've been nominated for the "I love your blog" award! It feels good to be loved! Thank you Ms. S!!! Would an acceptance speech be a bit much? I would like to thank my family, KB, my friends, and the insane world I live in for being my inspiration to write. Of course, above all else, I'd like to thank God! Just kidding folks...but in all honesty it was an honor being nominated, lol

And now I shall pass the torch...

Now The Rules:
1. The nominated is allowed to put this picture on their blogs.

2. Link to the person who hearted you.

3. Nominate at least 7 other people and link to them.

4. Leave a message on those people's blog to make them aware that they're nominated.

I nominate:
1. Ms. S of course, her blog keeps me in stitches!
2. Islandista
3. Single Black Male
4. Sister Toldja
5. Kasmira
6. The Cheap Chica
7. Cheap Thrills-Boston

The Friday Fuck You

2008-09-12T12:05:00.012-04:00

Thanks to Patrice over at A Day in My World, I will be starting a new tradition. Each Friday I will list 7 affirmations and rants, called The Friday Fuck You. Ideally, it is just a bit of reassurance (ex"Fuck You. I will make $70k this year."). Just a little something to keep the spirits up. Sounds a bit harsh, may even lose a few readers due to language, but I promise you guys it's all in good fun (and tasteful).

Without further ado...Here is today's Friday Fuck You

1. Fuck You. My book will be in print next year. So be ready for big thangs from Dorchester's Daughter Publishing in '09

2. Fuck You. When/If we are getting married I'll let you know....may even send you an invitation. Until then, don't ask me again.

3. Fuck You. I will take my birthday off of work even though I just got back from vacation.

4. Fuck You. There is nothing wrong with "Modern Girls", a woman can have career and family. They named the show DESPERATE Housewives for a reason.

5. Fuck You. You can have the body of a video vixen and the brain of a scholar. I am sexy AND smart.

6. Fuck You. My new mantra is Successful and Fine in '09 (shout out to MyMoneyDream!)

7. Fuck You. That felt good. All that cursing and I am still a lady!

Woosah! That felt good yall! Everyone needs to vent every once in a while so I encourage the readers to embrace the new tradition and stop in the comments section to leave your own Friday Fuck You .

Whatever You Like

2008-09-11T11:17:00.006-04:00

Male bloggers haven't been very supportive of the new T.I. song. And I can understand their hesitance to an extent...but I am a lady. And damned if I am gonna turn up my nose at a brotha who says I can have whatever I like;

Hundred K deposits, vacations hit the tropics/ Cause errbody know it ain't trickin if ya got it/ Ya need to never ever gotta go to yo wallet/ Long as I got rubberband banks in my pocket/ Five six, rides with rims and a body kit/ Ya ain't gotta downgrade you can get what I get /My chick can have what she want/ And go in every store for any bag she want/ And know she ain't never had a man like that/ To buy ya anything your heart desire like that

"Baby you can have whatever you like"

Just hearing it give me the warm and fuzzies! Do we need a man to tell us that? No. Are we depending on a man to give us anything? Hell no. But that doesn't mean we aren't open to being spoiled. In the same way a man wants to know that after a long day at work, he can come home to a cold beer and a hot meal...a woman would like to think that because she's made that possible she can have whatever she likes!

Fellas, you are looking at it the wrong way. We are not talking about gold diggers. Nor are we looking for a handout. We are simply saying it's nice to hear a man say that he is willing to give his lady whatever her heart desires.

Does KB spoil me? No, I am all about spoiling myself. But, for the record, this Miss Independent is independent by choice. Not too many guys feel the way T.I. does; and I am not a fan of the question "why do you need_________?".

But don't fret my dears...until T.I.'s sentiment is shared by the masses we CAN have whatever we like. As long as we are willing to buy it ourselves!

I've Got My Eye on You

2008-09-09T15:20:00.007-04:00

Beloved Readers,

Not Ms. S or MyMoneyDream (although they are beloved, love ya cuzzos, lol). YOU. Yes, you! Believe me it IS a sigh of relief that someone is amused by my ramblings. I love that you come by every now and then, but I feel like the love is not returned sometimes yall. It's a lot like looking for love in a one night stand; you come by, get your kicks, and I never hear from you again. To put it bluntly, it's a whole lot of "wham bam thank you ma'am" going on.

Recently, one of my posts was featured on SBM. Now he talks a whole lot of mess, but when he is (eh ehem) wrong his audience speaks up. It was a blessing being posted on his site because although my opinion was not shared by all, there were some strong counter-arguments. And you know what?...I would never have thought about those things. I only saw my experience that night from my own perspective.

While I am doing this as an alternative to journaling, the best part of being on the web is that the world is my oyster. I have readers as close to home as Providence, NH, and NY. There are readers across oceans and continents in places like South Africa, Brazil, and France. And I love every. single. one of you. I get the warm and fuzzies just thinkin about yall! I would love some feedback. Get your Young Jeezy on, and "put on" for your city!!! You don't have to comment on every single post...but if you read something that you agree or disagree with preach!

I know your there, don't get all scurred on me now. No need to stop visiting because I put you on blast. I just want to encourage you all to voice your opinions in the same way I openly voice mine. From this day forward no more peeping!

Let's start with an ice breaker. I'll go first, my name is Dorchester's Daughter and I am from the Dot. My numero uno fans are my cuzzos Ms. S and MyMoneyDream who are also from around these parts. Where are you from? No...not the guy in the cubicle next to you who is likely reading my blog as well, YOU! Shout out your city!

Because He's Black

2008-09-05T15:18:00.003-04:00

This is an excerpt from an email I was forwarded by Ms. S. I thought it was worth sharing with my fellow minority Obama supporters;

A white man asked his black friend, "Are you voting for Barack Obama just because he's black?"

The black man responded by saying, "Why not? Hell, in this country men are pulled over everyday just cause their black; passed over for promotions just cause their black; considered to be criminals just cause they're black, and there are going to be thousands of you who wont be voting for him just cause he's black! However; you do not seem to have a problem with that! This country was built with the sweat and whip off of the slaves' backs, and now a descendant of those same slaves has a chance to lead the same country. A country where we weren't even considered to be people; where we weren't allowed to be educated; drink from the same water fountains; eat in the same restaurants, or even vote. So yes, I'm going to vote for him! But it's not just because he's black, but because he is hope, he is change, and he now allows me to understand when my grandson says he wants to be president when he grows up, it is not a fairy tale, but a short term goal. Because he sees, understands, and knows, he can achieve, withstand, and do anything just because he's black!"

A Public Apology

2008-09-02T15:45:00.000-04:00

A few years ago I pointed out to my cousin that she had the same shoe (style) in different brands and different colors. I can't say that she was entirely pleased with me for pointing it out but she has since varied her selection a bit.

Years later, I am unpacking my suitcase from my recent vacay and behold...

exhibit A; same damn purse

Not once in purchasing said purses did I realize that it is the same style in different colors and brands. Sure one is satin, one is leather, and one is patent...but they are essentially the same bag.

So dear cousin I want to apologize for poking fun. Aparently sticking to what we like runs in the family!

2008-08-22T18:28:00.002-04:00

Those of you who know me, know that I am always trying to make ME better. That is essentially what this blog is about. I truly believe my 20's have been about shaping me for the rest of my life; deciding who I am am, who I want to be, and where I want to go.

I attended a graduation today and although it was one of the smallest ceremonies I have ever attended, I heard one of the most profound pieces of advice I've ever heard. Simple and concise, the professors words are still with me 5 hours after the speech concluded.

"make mistakes but make them once"

Simple right? But think about it...growing up is making mistakes, it is trial and error. It is what you have done that makes you who you are. So it isn't about perfection, it's about learning from your mistakes. The only way to truly learn from them is to be sure that you are not habitually repeating them.

Readers, go forth make mistakes! Fall down. Dust yourself off; as long as you are just a bit more careful about recreating that same hurt every bruise is worth it.

Why Are Black Women So Mean?

2008-08-15T15:28:00.003-04:00

You're angry from just reading the title aren't you? lol This is a topic that is always up for debate; most recently on a post I read on Stuff Black People Hate. The issue? Why are black women so unapproachable?

Rather than counter-argue, and defend my entire race.... I'd prefer to share an experience I had recently.

A friend of mine accompanied me to a club I've been curious about. It was just the two of us, not a herd. Anyhow, we were kickin it, chillaxin in a corner when a man approached me. He was mildly attractive, white male, friendly demeanor so when he approached I was not defensive or instantly agitated. In fact, I engaged in conversation with him for 20 minutes or so (could have been longer). We laughed, joked, etc. He was headed back to the bar and asked if I wanted anything. Initially I said no but he pushed (so much so that I sort of wondered if I should accompany him in case he tried to slip me something) and eventually I accepted the offer.

He returned with my drink and we chatted it up some more. I honestly thought that he was a cool guy, so imagine my surprise when our conversation shifted;

Him; "So we seem to get along well, maybe we can have dinner sometime? Can I take you out?"
Me; "Oh, I am so sorry. I am actually in a relationship right now."
*Glares at me as if I'd stolen the oxygen mask off his dying grandmother*
Him; "YOU WHAT? Man, I wish you would have told me all of that before!"
*Return his stare and wonder if it is possible he slipped a knife past the metal detector*
Me; "I'm sorry, it didn't come up. I thought we were just kickin it. Didn't realize you were interested."
Him; "If you weren't so cool, I would ask you for my money back."

Mmm Hmm....THAT my dears is why black women tend to be a little standoffish. Being nice can give people the wrong impression.

The Art of "Agree to Disagree"

2008-08-13T18:14:00.002-04:00

In my current relationship, I am dating one of the most stubborn personalities I have ever come across. I have a very strong (and sometimes insensitively honest) demeanor about me. The combination obviously leads to some headed debates. Occasionally they do lead to a light bulb moment, but more often than not they lead to me saying very loudly "ok let's just end the conversation here, it is not going to go anywhere".

I think it the best means to avoiding a heated end. Why go through the shouting, racing pulse, shallow breathing, and anger an argument ensues when you know there will be no agreement in the end? Why NOT bypass all that drama before it gets to that point?

Because as I said...he is STUBBORN, lol. KB would rather continue to defend his point than have an amicable end to a tense conversation.

Have any of my readers mastered the art of "agree to disagree"? Any idea why my method isn't foolproof?

Bernie Mac

2008-08-12T10:26:00.005-04:00

Bernard Jeffrey McCullough

October 5, 1957-August 9, 2008

It took me a while to be able to write about this loss because I honestly didn't want to believe it. While he has been out of the public eye for a few months, I never would have attributed that disappearance to sickness. Bernie has always been virile, energetic, larger than life. To imagine him in a hospital bed, clinging to life is surreal. Maybe that is why his family hid it for so long.

But the truth of the matter is he was sick. And he did pass away. There is a great loss in black comedy. I've been a Bernie fan since way back. I remember when he was Moesha's uncle! His sense of humor was out there...but damned if he wasn't funny as hell.

I am still calling people a "summamab*tch", still saying "jingalang, jingalang", still want to know "where my cookies and shit?". The man was an icon, he truly will be missed. And in the words of George Clooney "the world just became a lot less funny"

Am I the only one that noticed?

2008-08-07T19:59:00.001-04:00

Many of you know this man as new rapper Maino (say it with me now "Hi Hater!"). But has anyone noticed how much he looks like ....

Actor Khalil Kain? You guys know him from Juice and maybe more recently as Darnell on the UPN series Girlfriends. I say it's an alter ego (ok fine, more like brother from another mother)...

Is it just me?

Spoiled Children...Rotten Adults

2008-07-30T16:19:00.006-04:00

Every parent wants their child to have all the things they were not afforded. A parent who was never taken to the circus will make a conscious effort to bring the child every year. One whose parents never involved them in extra-curriculars may grow up to be the parent whose (over-committed) child has to consult a calender just to figure out what is on each day's agenda.

It is not abnormal to want to give your child the things your childhood lacked. But what if it were material things? Do you scramble to buy your kid Jordan's because you remember being made fun of for wearing BoBo's (yeah "BoBo's...they cost $1.99, BoBo's the make your feet feel fine"...don't act like you don't remember that). Everyone else had Atari but your parents said no. Does that mean you buy Jr. every Xbox, Nintendo DS, Playstation, model on the market?

Where does it stop?

It doesn't. The child becomes an adult who has distorted view of the world. They have an illogical sense of entitlement. It's the woman who I falls in love with a dress in the store and becomes enraged when they don't have her size. The high school student who loses interest in college applications after getting a low SAT score. The man in your office who becomes disoriented when he starts a project and it does not go exactly according to plan. The girl who is discouraged from trying something a second time when she was no good at it the first. The list goes on and on. And no... one does not necessarily lead to another but there is a distinct relationship.

Material possessions last for a short period of time, but character is forever.

A Mean Shoe Game

2008-07-25T21:02:00.004-04:00

I know my ladies can relate. Nothing makes you feel sexier than a pair of heels. In fact, for the right man...some ladies will show up to the bedroom wearing nothing more.

I read that "Our intimate relationship with shoes begins shortly after we learn to walk. As soon as we want to feel 'grown-up,' we slip on a pair of our mother's shoes, preferably high heels, instantly heightening our sense of what it means to be female. And then what happens? We grow up and get to be the same size as Mummy and our personality begins to assert itself with the first independent purchase of shoes. As adults, we ask shoes to be our representatives. At any given moment, they are indicators of our age, mood and desires."

Doesn't that say it all?

For months now I have been searching for the perfect pair of heels to compliment this dress. I have no real idea what I am looking for. Maybe pewter, maybe bronze....and animal print would also be cute. But, overall, what I am looking for is that pair of shoes that makes makes me exhale when I put it on for the first time.

I thought that I found it in Aldo. I was drawn to the shoe immediately. I actually visited with it several times before I buckled down and tried it on. When I finally did I fell in love! And with it being on clearance I had to buy it. I had to! It was $24, tell me you wouldn't have!

Gorgeous isn't it?

The problem is the heel is five inches. FIVE! I am 5'7" so do the math. I have no business being 6" tall. For starters, I can see eye to eye with KB who is 6'4". If that isn't bad enough, it also inadvertently gives me a hooker stroll (you know that fast paced stride where you are leaning forward as if gravity will not allow you to stand up straight?).

Sadly, the shoe must go back and I have no prospects for a replacement. My trip to Miami is now 4 weeks away, I am starting to hyperventilate as I type. The shoe game is essential to preserving my sexy. Where am I going to find this perfect pair of heels?

Whoa is me....

***I never did return the shoe. Instead, I went home everyday after work and practiced walking in them. I did end up wearing them to the wedding and the ensemble was FAB!!

Sly Fox

2008-07-24T09:13:00.006-04:00

Watch what you watchin'

Fox keeps feeding us toxins

Stop sleeping Start thinking

Outside of the box and

Unplug from The Matrix doctrine

But watch what you say Fox 5 is watchin'

Every now and then Nas fights the urge to be like every other rapper and allows us to be enlightened. We all know he has had his off days (like the day he walked in the studio and recorded "You We Me" with Ginuwine). Those are the instances that tempt us to compartmentalize Nas; put him in the He Was Once a Talented Rapper box. But we have to keep one thing in mind...When Nas speaks the truth we can't help but be informed.

On his current eye opening agenda Nas showed the masses how Fox really feel about Black Americans. I've been shaking me damn head ever since. Sometimes we turn a blind eye to what America considers Black Worth, but Mr. Jones has taken it upon himself to redirect us and make us face it. Yesterday Nas hand delivered a petition of 60,000 signatures to the Fox network's NY offices requesting they end racial propaganda.

What propaganda?

You guys may remember me mentioning the Obama family attacks in a previous post. Fox is also behind the "baby mama" comment, and they are the network airing Bill O'Reilly's show. Need I say more?

I must admit, this one has my full attention. I never realized that a lot of the inappropriate Obama comments were coming from the same place. These are very subtle attacks, not only on his family but black American families as a whole. After all...if being a loving dutiful wife and mother dubs you a "baby mama" because you happen to be brown as well, how many more "baby mamas" are out there?

I will now watch Fox keenly and be mindful of the other media outlets under their umbrella. Usually I am the first to scream "smells like a publicity stunt" when these controversy comes at a time when a start is promoting new work. And, yes, Nas does have a new album (with the Sly Fox single taking direct aim at the network). I still do not believe that he is gunning for publicity as Fox has suggested.

Truth is as truth does...

Keep a watchful eye y'all. That Fox is indeed sly.

Tomorrow Never Dies

2008-07-21T14:52:00.005-04:00

I know, I know. Yet again I have let weeks pass without blogging. I guess I have been a little uninspired, I frequent other blogs and these writers do such a good point of summarizing current events...sometimes I just feel like "what more can be said about it?".

But I know my readers miss my point of view. And for the love of my readers I promise to make a sound effort to contribute something twice weekly.

Starting with today!

I should first mention that another reason I haven't been around is a medical issue. I am 70% of the way back to complete health but it's been a bumpy ride. I was out of work for nearly two weeks. Normally, being home for a solid week and a half would send me running screaming back to work. But my current job has no appeal....nothing to lure me back.

Last night I was up until after 11 (which is unheard of for me unless I am out and about) doing anything possible to prolong my last day. I knew that in the morning I'd wake up and have to return to a pile of unresolved issues.

As the clock sped on I realized...I despise my job. I literally loathe it. Returning to my cubicle today only confirmed it. I looked around at the stacks of (what is to me) junk and nearly hurled! It's as if they didn't even notice I was gone. No one took it upon themselves to find an alternative to me being gone. Just came by...dropped off their crap, and left. Now for a bunch of people that clearly could not function in my absence, no one cared to stop by my desk and ask if I am feeling better when I finally did return.

Sigh.

It's the kick in the butt I needed though. I know in my heart that my place of employment is no longer a place for me to learn and grow. After being here a year I have peaked...staying here any longer will just stunt my professional growth.

My tomorrow is near. I see a new position on the horizon. Stay tuned!!!

The "independance" in Independance Day

2008-07-07T11:00:00.003-04:00

Just thought I'd share an observation I made at work this morning. We are coming off a long weekend...most of us are returning to work after having had 3 fun filled days off.

Naturally everyone in the office is sharing their holiday weekend stories...what they did, who came over, what the ate, alcohol consumption...you know, the usual holiday weekend festivties.

So I figure, the same things ring true about most people's Independence Day activities ( food, alcohol, fireworks). But the differences seem to be generational. My office is a 60/40 split; 60% are 40+, and 40% are between 25 and 39 (well may 39.99% because we do have Mr. Annoying who is about 23).

The Generation Xers are now nostalgic as we've come to the realization that this past weekend was our last long weekend for months. We are now committed to a summer of being indoors bombarded by paperwork. Our stories are reminiscent of the partying, the beach, the fun. And there is a distinct longing in every detail.

Generation Jones on the other hand are all gung-ho to start the work week. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "the kids drove me crazy this weekend" as a start to an anecdotal. Their stories of in-laws, children, and family fun are not nostalgic by any stretch. It is almost as if they are in a "whose holiday weekend was worse" contest.

This observation has led me to one conclusion, and one conclusion alone. The 4th of July begins to suck somewhere around long-term commitment!

Let Me Tell You Why I'm Mad

2008-07-01T14:38:00.005-04:00

This image has been tossed around via email for years now. I have gotten it forwarded to me at least four times. Each time I am more and more embittered. What bothers me is that there was a time where these things were expected of a wife. And today, there are men that are holding onto this ideal. The idea of a "traditional woman" is not forgotten. Whether it's 1954 or 2008... either way this is ri-DAMN-diculous!

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. Translation: AFTER I cook dinner but BEFORE he walks in the door I am to get prettied up because though I have been slaving for upwards of 10 hours, I must not let him see me that way?

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Make sure the rugrats look presentable. They are a reflection of you. If he comes home and the house isn't tidy, dinner is not made, AND the kids are filthy it doesn't say much about what you've done with your day.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home.

Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind. Translation: Essentially I should shut up and listen to him bitch. My woes are minimal compared to his.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first. Yes girl, do not get it twisted...your problems, ideas, and/or thoughts are nowhere near as monumental.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax. So what if all you do everything...that does not entitle you to be treated! What you want a cookie?

The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

No! The goal is to lead your life in a way that is fitting of pleasing yourself! You take care of you first and foremost because a healthy happy significant other is far more priceless than a maid.

The Danger That is Fung Wah

2008-06-23T16:25:00.004-04:00

I believe it was my second year of college when the Fung Wah craze started. East Coast students began boarding these Chinatown buses to NY, Philly, Boston, and Maryland in flocks. Everyone fell in love with their cheap fares and record trip timing. New York?..for $15?..in less than 3.5 hours? Who wouldn't?

But alas...all that glitters most certainly ain't gold, readers. Fung Wah became the kind of death defying stunt that even David Blaine would second guess. Horrifying stories of rollovers, accidents, and even high speed chases were more common than not. It had gotten to the point where NOT having a Fung Wah story was odd.

Me: "So you took that Chinatown bus to NY?"
Fung Wah patron: "Yeah, I left Boston 25 minutes ago and we're crossing the BK bridge right now"
Me: "Really? that took you a while, got pulled over or something?"
Fung Wah patron: "yeah and we had to switch buses when the engine fell out. Probably would have been there by now if we didn't"

Years later, it seems old habits die hard. Their service has not gotten better and the risk of injury has gotten higher. Hell, you don't even have to board the bus to be involved in the accidents now! This morning a 57 year old woman was waiting to board the bus in NY when it was sideswiped by a dump truck! I kid you not.

People. I know the cost of gas...we use premium in our tank. I know the economy... I am one mishap away from losing everything my(damn)self. BUT never, NOT NEVER will I get on one of those buses. Good Lawd! Isn't Greyhound only an additional $10?

Please don't do it! Readers, I love y'all like family (and that's because a good majority of you ARE my family). If you need to borrow that extra $10 I got you! Just don't do it to yourself.

First Comes Love, Then Comes....

2008-06-20T14:34:00.005-04:00

the promise ring?

My immediate response? Promise what?

The promise to love, honor, and protect is a marriage right? And an engagement is a promise to marry. Does that make a promise ring a promise to promise, to promise, to love honor and protect? Sound silly? Well that's because it is silly.

I have reached 24+ age group where those around me have began to plan weddings and families. I love seeing my loved ones in happy, committed relationships. Love is and always will be a beautiful thing in my eyes. BUT (yeah I said it BUT) I cringe when I hear "he gave me a promise ring".

We are far from high school and several of us are approaching that 10 year high school reunions. So why is it that we revert back to juvenile practices? A 17 year old can tell his girlfriend that he promises when they go off to college their relationship will not suffer/strain with a ring. But the same ring from a 30 year old man? It is stalling ladies, HE is s-t-a-l-l-i-n-g!

While I love diamonds as much as the next girl...I expect more than a promise ring from KB. In fact, if we're being completely honest, he can skip all three rings and just give me the commitment. The ring isn't a guaranteeing that bills will be paid on time, that he is being faithful, and will continue love or respect me. The man is.

City of Champions

2008-06-18T10:56:00.009-04:00

Every single Bostonian blogger who is beaming as they write today's entry.

It's funny, as you get older winning means so much more than "I'm better than you". The road to triumph is now more meaningful than the trophy. This is a team that went from a 24-58 season to NBA Championship in one year.

ONE

This win is about resilience, determination, and will. That trophy symbolizes the ability to dust yourself off and try again. They've earned every ounce of their glory. When you see the look of indescribable pride in their eyes as they are asked to verbalize their feelings... it tugs at your own heart.

The team's victory resonates with me. It's made me accept that last year WAS hard but this year can be so much better. Change a few key players, play amongst the best, learn from past mistakes, train a little harder. Evolve. Grow. Be.

This is the City of Champions. It's become the place where any victory is attainable. Perfect place to call home. Perfect place to learn to be the best YOU.

Waiting on the World to Change

2008-06-17T09:30:00.000-04:00

I do try to leave the politcal stuff alone. Although it is my blog, it is not necessary for me to bombard my readers with my political beliefs. Every so often I do feel the urge to speak up, mostly when the topic is ri-damn-diculous.

Contrary to popular belief, this was not ‘Hezbollah style fist-jabbing'! The first time I read that I could not help but quote my brother and yelp "What the craze?" (in plain English... what the #@*&%)! Isn't this what Torres and Williams did every Thursday evening on New York Undercover?

Were people honestly questioning this gesture? It's D-A-P... equivalent to a hand shake, a "go get 'um Tiger". I am quite sure MTV and BET have aired enough rap videos for the masses to have seen dap before. I mean COME ON PEOPLE!

The miseducation of America is severely deep-rooted. It has come to the point where we are dissecting an intimate moment between husband and wife. John Mayer isn't the only one waiting on the world to change.

The Key to the Corner Office

2008-06-16T13:09:00.002-04:00

Since getting my promotion at work I have been curiously observing the behavior of my replacement. It is evident that he is a goal oriented, DRIVEN man. He has his eye on the corner office and the key will soon be in his hand.

After four months of working here, he has gotten a promotion. Granted, that is not a surprise since I have too (which is the reason he started here in the first place). However, his is a significantly bigger promotion. While, I was moved up within the the same title. He has gone from Coordinator to Analyst...completely changing the scope of his work.

Why?

Relatability; I have watched him interact with the key players, the VPs and Managers. He can seamlessly contribute to any conversation and is not hestitant about joining a conversation with them.

Desire to Learn; Utter a complaint about a task and he is right there offering support and/or trying to learn what it is you are doing. "I can help you out with it, if you show me how to do it." Soon enough that is another skill is under his belt

Friendliness; He isn't just chummy with the VPs and Managers, he yucks it up with the entire staff. He willingly engages in conversations about their personal lives.

Dependability; He is here early every morning and leaves just after 5 every evening. Although we are not salaried, overtime is NOT an option. Essentially, he is not being compensated for the extra time.

I have often wondered why none of the female Coordinators are such sharks. We are all polite, demur, dependable, and approachable. But we are not the "go-getter" I see in him.

Ladies, if you have your eye on the corner office, I urge you to be more like him. I guarantee it will get you far. To read more about taking charge of your career, read The Cheat Sheet for Woman by Kate White.

I Heart Books

2008-06-13T09:27:00.002-04:00

It's no secret, anyone who knows me knows learning to read changed my world. From the very day I sounded out my first full word, nothing in me has been the same. I was the one kid who actually liked the required readings in high school, in fact I still have some of those books. And one, The Joy Luck Club, is still my all time favorite.

The more recent additions to my collection I have acquired through www.amazon.com and the Black Expressions book club. So although I am an avid reader, I haven't walked into a book store since college (and even then it was for the purpose of buying overpriced text books).

Until yesterday. I want you to close your eyes and visualize the look on Charlie's face when he stepped into Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Substitute Charlie for me, 2* year old black woman...and substitute chocolate for books. Keep the expression. And now you have me when I walked into the Borders at Downtown Crossing for the first time. I was in total awe.

In that moment, I realized I Heart Books. I love the cover, the summary on the back, the author bio, the story in itself. I love it all! For me, it's not a hobby, it's not what I do for leisure at the beach, nor is it just something to do to pass time on my commute to work.

Talk about light bulb moments!

All my life I have heard, find something that you love and earn a living doing it. For a while I thought it was children, so I worked at camps, after school programs, daycares, you name it. But what was missing was the fulfillment...I wasn't totally happy.

It was not the feeling I have when I am editing my book. It was not the same joy I feel when I think of how many manuscripts I will read as a publisher. I didn't have the passion I have now. This is just the beginning of my work running my publishing company, yet the onset of total happiness is already blooming. I know this is what I want to do.

The Company You Keep (excerpt from a forwarded email)

2008-06-11T13:42:00.007-04:00

I try not to flood the inboxes of my friends with the dreaded "forward". No one seems to favor these. Today, when I opened my inbox I made the same dreaded face you would have made if I'd sent this along. But after reading it, I realized it was something I would like to share and decided to post it.....enjoy

The Company You Keep

"It is better to be alone than in the wrong company".

"Tell me who your best friends are, and I will tell you who you are".

"If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights".

"A mirror reflects a mans face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses".

The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate for the good and the bad. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.

As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.

Consider This: Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere. With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it.

Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life.